


Changing the View

by barnabashale



Series: Changing the View [1]
Category: Descendants (Disney Movies)
Genre: Break Up, Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Gay Carlos de Vil, M/M, Post-Canon, emotional unavailability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:01:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 37,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24484744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barnabashale/pseuds/barnabashale
Summary: The last time Carlos had seen Jay in person had been an accident. He’d been on the isle, doing some grocery shopping for his mom as her pretend butler for the day. Carlos walked through the marketplace trying to complete his mom’s list when he’d seen the familiar face.Jay was talking to a stall owner, his hair glinting in the sun. Glowing. Carlos hadn’t expected to see him at all and felt frozen, even though he knew he should just go over and say hi.Jay saw him before he had a chance, and there was an expression as if he’d been caught, too.Carlos is 22 and he just wants to get a summer internship and propose to his high school sweetheart and maybe finally live happily ever after. Reality seems to have different ideas for him as he is reminded he doesn’t have control over a single part of his own life.
Relationships: Jane & Carlos de Vil, Jay/Carlos de Vil
Series: Changing the View [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1768702
Comments: 16
Kudos: 53





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> _What are we gonna do?  
>  We've opened the door, now it's all coming through  
> Tell me you see it too  
> We opened our eyes and it's changing the view  
> Oh, what are we gonna do?  
> We opened the door now, it's all coming through_
> 
> title from so big, so blue, so beautiful by florence and the machine
> 
> compliant with descendants 1, 2, and 3 as well as most of the first isle of the lost book. i’ve pulled some other info from the wiki/map, but my main priority is matching the canon of the films.

Carlos De Vil was twenty-two; he stood in the bathroom of the cottage he shared with his girlfriend staring himself down in the mirror. His face was flushed and freckled, with his white hair curling around it. His eyes were bloodshot and puffy and smoke coiled up from the cigarette in his hand, gripping onto the bathroom sink. It was an awful habit, taken from his mother. His other hand held a small velvet ring box, which itself held a ring. An engagement ring. Carlos looked down at it, letting out a slow breath as he recalled showing it to Mal and Evie earlier that day.

The way Mal’s face had fallen, and Evie’s froze in a forced smile. “You can’t do this,” Mal had said, “Evie tell him he can’t do this.”

Evie shook her head, then, glaring at Mal. “Mal- No,” she’d hissed. “Carlos, that’s so exciting!” She had given Carlos a wide fake smile, as she reached out to put a hand on his shoulder. Mal pulled her back.

“No, Evie, I can’t watch this anymore,” she’d said. She stared Carlos down, hard. “Carlos, you don’t love Jane. Not like that.”

“What?” Carlos had asked, confused.

“Mal!” Evie said, sharp. “This is Carlos’s life.”

“No, it’s not just his life,” Mal had said to her friend, before turning back to Carlos. “You already chased Jay away with this nonsense, fuck, you can’t make this worse on Jane when you finally come to your senses and leave her. You do not love her, and if you propose to her you will break her heart. Tell her the truth.”

Carlos felt stripped down and exposed in that moment, like Mal saw right into the deepest recesses of his mind with her bright green eyes and she could see every part of him that he desperately pushed down and ignored and avoided and denied. “I have to go,” he’d said, pocketing the ring box and turning away quickly. Evie had called after him but he didn’t look back. He heard Mal telling her that she needed to let him go, that Carlos had to figure this out once and for all. 

He left the small castle in a rush, getting into his car and driving straight back to his and Jane’s cottage, heart pounding and mind racing. What was Mal trying to say? He asked himself this bitterly, ignorantly. He knew exactly what she was trying to say, and worst of all he knew that she was right. He felt sick. When he’d arrived at his and Jane’s summer home he’d passed Jane in the living room without saying hi on his rush to the bathroom. He didn’t remember grabbing the secret pack of cigarettes from the freezer, but he was already on his second one at this point.

Jane was knocking on the door. Carlos could hear Dude yipping at her feet.

“Carlos?” She asked through the door. Carlos stared down at his hands. Tears were rolling down the sink drain. Jane knocked on the door again.

“I’ll be right out,” he called hoarsely back to her. He dropped the cigarette to the floor, crushing it under his shoe, kicking the butt underneath the bath mat. He opened a window, sprayed some air freshener and gargled some water. It was a meaningless act, though, Jane knew. He’d found his hiding places empty of the pack of cigarettes he knew he’d left there enough time to know Jane had found and tossed them.

Carlos hid his current pack in the flower box outside the window before opening the door. Jane was standing there, looking nervous.

“Hey,” Carlos said, voice cracking.

“Hi,” Jane said, voice soft. She reached out and touched his cheek. He smiled. She loved him so much. “Are you okay?” She asked.

Mal was right. She was fucking right as always.

Carlos had wasted so much of Jane’s time. Just wanting to be loved by her, giving nothing in return except false hope.

Cruel selfishness. 

“I’m gay,” Carlos said, and there it was. The truth.

-

Carlos brought Jane to the isle almost two weeks after the barrier had been removed. He’d seen his mother earlier, of course, when all the V.K.s had gone over. Jay had come with him to Hell Hall, even though Carlos had told him he didn’t have to. It had been an okay visit. She said she had missed him, apparently, but that his outfit was really tacky. She was planning on going to a real spa retreat the next week. She didn’t ask about his aspirations, but she seemed happy when he mentioned his girlfriend, and told him to bring her around when she got back. 

So two weeks later, he’d brought Jane to his childhood home to meet her. Hell Hall was looking better, with the permanent gray cloud overhead gone, the sun shone through the windows. It looked as if Cruella had done some redecorating, still very macabre but not so tattered.

“Oh, my pet!” Cruella greeted her son with a suffocating and somehow completely insincere hug when she answered the door. “I’ve had the most wonderful two weeks, those Auradon spas are something else! Can’t find anything like that here on the isle, pure relaxation!”

“Yeah, that’s nice,” Carlos said, ducking away.

“And you!” Cruella greeted Jane with an expression of surprise and a wide, calculating grin. Jane stood there, face white with fear as Cruella looked her up and down. “What a pretty girl!” 

“It’s nice to meet you, Ms. De Vil,” Jane said with a shaky curtsy. “I’m Jane, daughter of the Fairy Godmother. Carlos’s girlfriend.”

“Oh, I remember speaking with your mother once,” Cruella said, ushering the two into the mansion with a cackle, heading towards the sitting room, fingers digging into Carlos’s shoulder like talons.

“I’d rather not,” Carlos said bluntly, shrugging his mom’s hand off of his shoulder.

She treated Jane fine for the rest of the visit, serving a cheese and cracker platter she’d said she had purchased in Auradon, and poured glasses of wine for them as if they weren’t still teenagers. Carlos was on the edge of his seat the whole time. His mother mostly just talked about herself, again. After not too long she’d lit a cigarette, and Jane wrinkled her nose. That was clearly crossing the line for her.

“Um, I mean absolutely no offense, Ms. De Vil,” Jane said. “But those are awfully bad for you and,” she coughed as Cruella blew a puff of smoke towards her. “The second hand smoke is as well, for us.”

“Yes,” Cruella said. “I’ve heard. I had been considering moving to Auradon now that the barrier’s gone—for it’s luxuries of course, when I learned you have a strict outlaw on cigarettes over there! Of course a woman finds her ways in dire situations, such as on my spa retreat, but I can’t imagine living like that.” Another puff of smoke and a cough from Jane.

As they went to leave Cruella pulled her son aside.

“I’ll admit, pet, I’m relieved that ‘Jane’ wasn’t just code for Jay in a dress,” she chuckled, causing Carlos to stare at her in confusion. “She’s a pretty girl, I mean it, and you’ll make beautiful De Vils together. I am very grateful for that! But you’ll probably need these soon enough.” She slipped a pack of cigarettes in Carlos’s pocket. “They’ll help with the nerves.”

It was a new way to control him, and he saw through it immediately. He wasn’t a child anymore and he knew her real goals. Get him hooked and then he’ll need her and she could use him again, just like she always had.

That knowledge didn’t stop him from cracking open the pack after returning back to Evie’s castle and seeing Jay and Gil off on their gap year adventure, hiding out in the garden. Just craving anything to take the edge off the full body ache of something he didn’t want to face, the feelings he didn’t even know how to tackle churning deep in his gut. He’d been thrown into a violent coughing fit but even that was better than thinking about Jay’s arm around Gil’s waist, holding him close as everyone wished them farewell. Or the kiss Carlos had accidentally spotted Jay land on Gil’s cheek as they drove away in their SUV, grinning at him as if he was the only other person who mattered. As if he wasn’t leaving Carlos behind. As if Carlos didn’t matter. Not anymore.

A month later he was at his mother’s house for another visit, she skipped the pleasantries and gave him another pack, asking if he was busy or if he had time to clean her car for her. When he’d done it she smiled wickedly at him, telling him that she truly _had_ missed him, after all.

-

Jane left that night, to her mother’s.

“I just need space,” she’d said, teary eyed.

“Yeah, okay,” Carlos had responded. He opened his phone to call Evie but stopped on his text messages. He’d sent Jay a picture of the engagement ring the day before, when he’d bought it. Jay had responded a string of happy emojis and a big “congrats man! Jane is gonna love it!”

Carlos tapped away, and called Evie.

“Oh, Carlos!” Evie said, answering right away. “I’m so sorry about Mal earlier. I don’t know what got into her, I think she’s just upset Jay cancelled coming down this weekend-“

“No, she was right,” Carlos said. His voice cracked and his eyes burned. “I broke up with Jane. Probably. I told her I’m…” he trailed off. He couldn’t bring himself to say it again, which felt so stupid. His chest burned.

“Oh... Oh Carlos.” Evie understood.

When she arrived thirty minutes later, Carlos was sitting out in the backyard on the edge of their deck, a cigarette burning in his hand. He was staring blankly out at the yard. He and Jane had had breakfast outside that very morning, as they liked to do. They’d had coffee and toaster waffles and talked about Jane’s upcoming birthday party. When Evie opened the back door, Dude ran out and jumped on his owner’s back, causing Carlos to yelp and look over his shoulder. She frowned at the sight of the cigarette.

“That’ll give you wrinkles,” she said. Carlos jumped at the sight of her, dropping the contraband and stomping it out quickly.

“You got here quick,” he said, guilty, reaching out to grab Dude and put him on his lap.

“You’ll get fined if you get caught with those,” Evie added, sighing, she sat down next to him.

“I know,” Carlos said.

“Did you mom give them to you?” Evie asked.

“In exchange for petty chores,” Carlos confessed with a sigh, and then buried his face in his hands. “I messed up.”

“Yeah, you did,” Evie said, reaching out and putting an arm around Carlos’s shoulder. “But everyone messes up, sometimes. I’m here for you, we are all here for you.”

Carlos’s eyes stung and he rubbed them hard with the heels of his palms. He took in a shaky breath, he didn’t know what to say.

“You just have to let us be here for you,” Evie added, a hint of desperation in her voice. “You can’t keep having all these secrets.” Carlos looked up at her, she was looking at him with sympathetic eyes.

“You don’t seem surprised about these,” Carlos kicked the box of cigarettes that was by his feet lightly.

“Jane told us about that,” Evie said. “We didn’t know what to do- because you wouldn’t talk to us.”

Carlos sighed.

“You knew I was... You know,” Carlos looked away again. “Gay.”

“I didn’t,” Evie said quietly. “Mal was convinced... But I don’t know. It’s a whole thing with her.”

Carlos rest his chin on his knees.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Evie asked. “Or at least me?”

“I didn’t know how, I didn’t even know myself for so long,” Carlos said. “And then I was with Jane and,” he coughed, choked up suddenly, “she loved me.”

“Carlos...” there was a frustration in Evie’s voice.

“I’m tired,” Carlos announced, standing up and wiping his eyes.

“I’m staying,” Evie responded, and he looked down and saw that stubborn expression that said he couldn’t make her leave. So she stayed. He made a quick dinner of pasta and canned tomato sauce, with conversation kept to a bare minimum. Evie sat on the counter in the kitchen and waited in dutiful silence, although when Carlos glanced at her he saw the concern drawn over her face.

They ate together on the couch and when his bowl was empty he spoke.

“Hey, thanks for coming over,” he said. “It really means everything to me.”

“You shouldn’t be alone,” Evie said, sympathetic smile on her face. “Like I said, I’m here for you.”

“I should probably find somewhere else to stay tomorrow...” Carlos bit his lip.

“You can use one of our spare rooms,” Evie offered. Endlessly generous and kind, Carlos was reminded of a time, lifetimes ago, when she’d offered him a blanket and a pillow before he’d ever known those simple comforts. She’d always taken good care of him. He wondered if he deserved it.

“Thanks,” was what Carlos said, though.

Evie seemed to be composing something in her mind, worrying over how to say something. After a long time, she spoke. “We all make mistakes, Carlos. I’m proud of you for... facing it. For telling the truth.”

Carlos nodded at her.

“You do deserve love,” Evie added. “All the love your heart can possibly hold- and you don’t have to lie for it.” Carlos nodded again, and she sighed with a weak smile. She held out her arms which he fell into willingly. He was empty of tears by this point, still he trembled in her arms.

-

Mal and Ben’s wedding had been beautiful. Evie had spend months working on Mal’s dress and it was breathtaking. Ben and Mal had written their own vows which moved everyone to tears during the ceremony. Carlos stood beside Doug and Beast on Ben’s side, grinning widely. He was so happy for his friends. Ben and Mal had been through hell together, seeing them hold hands and profess their love in front of the entire kingdom, Auradon and Isle. Evie was across from him, on Mal’s side, crying openly with a huge smile, Jay’s arm around her shoulder while Hades stood there beside them, stiff and awkward.

At the reception, the event hall was filled with a mix of villains and good guys, at the reception the receiving line consisted of the bride and groom as well as Belle, the Beast, Maleficent, and Hades, which made for an interesting event to watch. Carlos sat with Evie, Doug and Jay, sitting on and around a nearby table yet to be filled with guests, watching as guests filed in. Jane was running around with her mom and Lumiere making sure everything was going well and helping everyone to their tables. Carlos has become very used to her working with her mom at all sorts of royal events, even though she always seemed to feel so bad for leaving him alone.

“I can’t believe this is actually happening,” Evie said, somehow still looking on the verge of tears even after crying the whole afternoon as Uma ran through the reception line to give Mal a huge hug, nearly bowling over Cinderella herself. Jay laughed at the scene. He was absolutely glowing, only a week off of his gap year with Gil. Tanned and giddy and handsome in royal blue crushed velvet. Carlos had never seen him look so… Fulfilled.

“I can’t believe it took even this long,” Jay said. “I thought they’d get married the week after they met they’re so… Like that.” He laughed.

“They are,” Evie said, as a fresh round of tears spilled over her cheeks.

“Guys! You need to go to your seats!” Jane said, rushing up to them. “Go, go,” she waved them away, pushing them towards the head table. Soon enough everyone was seated, Carlos sat between Doug and Jane, who continued to fret over the details of the night. He put his arm around her shoulder, giving her a reassuring kiss to her cheek. She smiled at him.

“Introducing,” Lumier announced from the entrance of the reception hall, “For the first time as Husband and Wife, your king and queen of Auradon and the Isle of the Lost: King Ben and Queen Mal!” The room erupted into applause as Mal and Ben entered. Carlos and Jay jumped up to whoop holler for the newly weds, along with the whole table of pirates who jumped to their feet, stomping their approval. Carlos looked over to Jay with a wide grin, which was returned in full. It was a truly beautiful day.

Mal and Ben shared their first dance, followed by a dance with their parents. Carlos heard Maleficent snicker under her breath at Mal and Hades’ awkward waltz in contrast to Ben and Belle’s graceful one.

Dinner was filled with beautiful toasts, including a boisterous one from the pirates table led by Uma, and a tearful one by Evie that left not a single dry eye left in the room.

Jay stood up after her, wiping his eyes. “Mal, we grew up together. You were always my best friend, even when we couldn’t admit it. Ben, you’re incredible, you’re everything Mal deserves, and she’s everything you do as well. You’re the best people I know.”

And then Maleficent stood, and the whole room was silent. She gazed around the room with her powerful gaze. “I was wrong,” she said simply, and then took her seat again. Mal couldn’t hold back a laugh at that, shaking her head.

“That’s enough toasts, we can’t do this all night,” she announced. “I want to dance again!” The room cheered, most loudly the pirates, and the night continued in a lively fashion.

The room was filled with high energy fast paced songs one after another until a slow ballad finally gave everyone a moment to catch their breath. Jane pulled Carlos close, her arms around his neck as he wound his around her waist. She smiled at him, breathless. Carlos looked over and saw Jay shyly holding out his hand to Gil, who took it with a grin and a ‘awesome.’

Carlos couldn’t stop staring at the dancing couple, and Jane soon followed his gaze.

“Oh my god,” she said. “I knew it-they’re so cute together!” Carlos didn’t know how to respond as Gil rest his head on Jay’s shoulder with a smile. Carlos tore his eyes away, finally and turned his attention to anywhere else. He caught Evie’s eye, dancing with Doug. Her smile was sad. He looked away, focusing on a freckle on Jane’s shoulder.

-

Carlos overslept, waking to hear Jane and Evie speaking in the living room.

“-so stupid,” Jane was saying.

“No, sweetie,” Evie said. “No, you love him. That’s not stupid, he wanted to love you too.”

“I should’ve seen it coming, though... I feel so blindsided.” Jane was crying, Carlos could hear it in her voice. He pulled himself out of bed, though, and walked into the living room. The girls looked up at him, Jane looking sad and scared and a bit like she hoped he would say he changed his mind about being gay after all. Evie just looked sad. Dude sat between them, trying to steal Jane’s keys from her hands.

“Hey,” Carlos said, smiling weakly at them.

Jane returned the smile, eyes watery.

“Hi,” she said.

Carlos really hated himself right then.

“Okaaay,” Evie announced, standing up. “Carlos lets get some caffeine into you and get your stuff together, I already told Jane the plan.”

“Uh, okay,” Carlos said, as Evie whisked out of the room to the kitchen, Dude following her. Carlos looked at Jane. “Can we, um, talk?”

“I don’t really want to, honestly,” Jane said. Carlos sat down next to her.

“I just really want to apologize,” he said, reaching out to grab her hands. She pulled away, shaking her head.

“No, no,” her voice was thick with sadness. “Maybe later?” She looked away, her hair obscuring her face. “Like. Later, later.”

“Okay,” Carlos pulled back.

Jane took a few sharp breaths before speaking. “I want to be there for you, Carlos. I just... Can’t right now.”

Carlos nodded, even though Jane couldn’t see it. He could really use a cigarette, but Evie returned to the room quickly enough, Dude following behind her, begging for treats.

“Mostly cream and sugar,” she said, handing Carlos a mug. “Exactly as you like. Let’s get a bag of clothes together, now!” She spoke as if she was his mother, not his mother specifically but a mother of a better type, ushering him away from Jane.

“I don’t want to leave her alone,” Carlos croaked as they entered his and Jane’s room. What used to be theirs, at least.

“She’s going back to her mom’s after this,” Evie said, opening his closet and shoving a collection of shirts and pants into a duffel she pulled from under the bed. “She just came back to check up on you.” Evie looked over her shoulder at Carlos. “She cares about you, we all do.”

Carlos nodded, looking down at his hands. After Evie packed his bag the two of them made their way through the house. Jane was out front, holding Dude.

“I’ll see you?” She asked, as she handed Carlos his dog.

“Yeah,” Carlos gave her a weak smile. And Evie took him away in her car. He looked back and saw Jane burying her face into her hands, shoulders shaking.

“She’ll be okay,” Evie said, and Carlos nodded automatically but the burn of guilt and disgust at his actions was hot in his gut.

-

After the royal wedding there had been a small reception of just Mal and Ben’s closest friends. They all sat in the garden at Evie and Doug’s castle, which had been decorated in the newlywed’s honor, including a tackily painted “congrats bal!” banner that Doug had done, reminiscent of the one welcoming the VKs to Auradon years earlier.

The small group sat enjoying the buzz of wine and champagne they’d earned from the main reception, and nursed it trying out the several bottles more that Mal and Ben had been gifted. Carlos felt light and happy, sitting on a lawn chair while Jane sat on his lap, arm around his shoulder and head resting heavily against his. They sat around the small campfire with Mal, Ben, Uma, Harry, and Doug. It felt good.

Jay was in the yard with the others playing a ridiculous game of “tourney”, which didn’t look anything like tourney, after being challenged by Lonnie. Jay and Gil versus Lonnie and Evie. Uma and Harry were heckling the game while Doug yelled out encouragement. At that moment, Jay carried Lonnie over his shoulder as she laughed and hit his back.

“No holding, no holding!” She screeched with laughter. Dude was barking and weaving through their feet. Jay threw the ball with his hand, stick long forgotten, into the goal before letting Lonnie down. She tumbled to the ground with laughter, and Gil ran over to Jay and swept him up in a hug, cheering for him.

“Plain cheating,” Evie had said, laughing barefoot on the other end of the field.

The “athletes” returned to the fire pit shortly after, laughing and breathless. Jay struck a pose, declaring himself MVP to a round of applause and some boo’s from Lonnie and Evie. 

Jay sat close to Gil, and Carlos tried not to notice the way their shoulders brushed and hands touched. The way Jay would lean in and whisper god knows what into Gil’s ear and Gil would giggle and knock his knee against Jay’s.

Jane fell asleep on Carlos as the night went on, even when after two more bottles of wine Uma and Mal were having a arm wrestling rematch for Ben’s life.

“I’m gonna take Jane inside,” Carlos had said to Lonnie, who sat next to them.

“Oh- okay!” Lonnie chirped. “Sleep well!” She added before declaring that she got to take on the winner of the arm wrestle, also for Ben’s life.

Carlos shook Jane awake, and she mumbled something incoherent.

“Yeah, yeah,” Carlos whispered, helping her up. The two of them made their way into the house, and to the room she always stayed in if they were staying at Evie’s castle. At the door she looked up at him and smiled.

“That was so beautiful, I can’t wait to get married to you,” she said. Carlos’s heart skipped a beat.

“With me?”

Jane grinned at him. “Yeah,” she said. With that she gave him a kiss on the cheek and went into her room, the door closing with a click while Carlos just stood there.

He didn’t know how long he stood there for, it felt both like twelve seconds and twelve hours. He made his way back to the yard soon enough, though, a funny feeling in under his skin. A tingling sensation he thought must be shocked excitement at Jane’s confession.

Jane wasn’t the only one to leave the lawn while Carlos was gone, it had calmed visibly since he’d left. Ben sat with just Evie, Harry, and Uma, talking quiet and contentedly, while the others were nowhere to be seen. Carlos looked around and heard voices from the sewing room. He headed over in that direction, curious.

“-just can’t get over seeing you like this.” Jay’s voice had said. They were sitting outside the sewing room, just him and Mal. Carlos saw them, and realized he might be intruding on something. He had seen how close Jay and Mal had been growing up, before even Evie came into the picture, this seemed like a sentimental moment just for them. “You’re finally as happy as you deserve to be, you’re like, _glowing_.”

“Says you,” Mal retorted, before Carlos was far enough away to be out of earshot. “I still have goosebumps from seeing you dance with Gil. You’ve never smiled this much, ever! You two are actually in love, huh?”

Carlos froze. He heard Jay laugh. “Come on, it’s your night,” he said.

“I’m just happy for you,” Mal said. “You guys work together… Never thought I’d see it, actually, after all those years lining over- you know.”

“Yeah,” Jay said, sounding embarrassed. “It’s kind of a breath of fresh air… I feel really happy with Gil.”

Carlos had to run then, back into the castle. He thought he heard the sound of Evie calling out to him, probably trying to get him to come back to the fire with the rest of them, but he ignored it.

His mind was racing and his face felt hot as he locked himself into his room at the castle. He clutched his chest as he caught his breath, leaning against the door. Stupid, stupid, why did he feel so awful? Something tried to claw its way deep from the recesses of his mind, something trying to tell him that he _knew_ why he felt like this, why Mal and Jay’s conversation would set him off… He closed his eyes and took a deep, deep breath. Willing himself calm, pushing the something down, burying it back where he’d long kept it. It was an exciting and long day, he told himself instead, the alcohol and high emotions were messing with his head. He pushed off from the door and collapsed into bed, staring up at the ceiling. He traced shapes in the shadows with his eyes as he waited for sleep to come, avoiding his own thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr - vndooms
> 
> this is the start of part 1 of a 3 part post-canon jaylos get together fic. i have absolutely lost my mind. dedicated to my bf who told me it’s actually worth posting.


	2. two

A few days into his stay at Evie’s, which largely consisted of him continuing his summer job search, Audrey arrived for a dress fitting. She saw him in the kitchen on her way back to the sewing room and invited herself into the room.

“Carlos!” She said, in her very Audrey way. She might not be turning the kingdom to stone anymore but she was still the same Audrey. “I’ve been worried sick about you, I heard you and Jane broke up? I was shocked, I expected news of an engagement to be more likely.”

“Hey, Audrey,” was all Carlos said, earning a frown from her.

“I’m trying to be genuine,” she said, pulling up a seat at the table where Carlos was eating breakfast and filling out job applications. “I was really surprised!”

“How did you hear about it?” Carlos asked, suspicious.

“You know, news makes it around here,” Audrey chirped, even though it was more that news always seemed to make it around _her_. “Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I’m here for you!” Audrey gave him a big sympathetic smile.

“You know I broke up with her, right?” Carlos said, frowning.

“Oh!” Audrey said, looking genuinely surprised. “Actually, I didn’t know that. No matter,” she reached out and touched Carlos’s hand. “Breaks ups are always tough on both sides… Why did you dump her, though?”

Carlos opened his mouth to tell her that it was none of her business when hew as interrupted.

“Audrey?” Came Evie’s voice from the other room. “Are you here?”

“Oh, well, I guess I have a fitting to attend,” Audrey said cheerfully, standing up. “Take care, Carlos! Give me a call if you need anything, I’m always here for you!” She said with a wave, walking away.

Carlos sighed and went back to his internship applications, currently looking at a slew of unpaid internships, wondering if they were worth it. He was still going to have to pay his share of rent on his and Jane’s place for the rest of the summer… His phone pinged and he looked down, a text from Mal. ‘Council meeting this weekend, you in?’ The text read and Carlos groaned. He hated council meetings, but Mal liked it when they joined and Evie said it was important that they stayed up to date on what was happening in the kingdom and made sure to use their voice. They just made Carlos wish he’d gone to Sherwood Forest University so he could be too far away to attend most of them, like Jay had. There were plenty of VKs to be there to represent them, Uma always said everything that needed to be said, and he was best friends with the king and queen, how much more plugged in need he be? He saw them enough.

Evie’s head poked into the room. “You’re going to the meeting, Carlos!” She insisted, before ducking back out. He stuck his tongue out at her, belatedly, before sighing down at his phone.

‘According to Evie, I’m there.’

-

That Saturday Evie and Carlos drove up to the castle early, having been invited for breakfast before the council meeting. Carlos was especially bummed out over a rotten phone interview for an internship he’d had the day before. He hadn’t really wanted the job, it was far away, out past Sherwood Forest all the way to Triton’s Bay, so it was just meant to be a sort of practice interview and if something happened, then he’d at least have that as an option, and it didn’t pay too bad for an internship. It had gone south very quickly, though, when the interviewer mentioned his mom. It had surprised him, in Auradon City where Carlos lived and went to school, no one batted an eye at Carlos’s family’s villainous past. He’d lived there for years at this point, and it wasn’t a small town but his signature black, white, and red was completely divorced from his mother’s reputation there; de Vil just meant Carlos. But clearly that didn’t extend to the whole kingdom. 

“We just want to make sure you’re... Trustworthy,” the interviewer had said, nervous. “Y’know, that you won’t find working around all those pets, uh, tempting? You know fur is illegal in Auradon, right?”

Carlos hadn’t even known how to respond. Dude had been sleeping on the couch behind him. “I don’t wear fur,” was all Carlos said.

“Of course,” the interviewer said, “it’s illegal.”

Carlos had gone to the far end of Evie’s Garden after that and lit up a cigarette, shaken up and frustrated in a way he hadn’t been in a long time. He’d done the same that Saturday morning, wishing he could stay hidden in the garden all weekend.

They pulled up to the castle and handed the car off to the valet. Mal stood at the top of the entry steps grinning down at her friends. “‘Morning!” She yelled, and Evie ran up the steps to tackle her friend with a hug. Carlos smiled as he approached. Ma; looked great, her hair was getting pretty long, cascading over her shoulders in bouncy waves, and she was dressed casually. He hadn’t seen her since the engagement ring incident. She’d texted him a bit, though, a clipped ‘I’m here, okay?’ and asking if he wanted to talk about it. He didn’t. He hadn’t even really talked to Evie about the breakup or his being. Gay. It felt too fresh, and he was scared of how real it was.

Mal gave Carlos a hug when he made it to the top of the stairs.

“You okay?” She asked, her face full of sympathy and something conflicted.

“Yeah, just had a bad interview yesterday,” Carlos said with a shrug after he hugged her back. Mal wrinkled her nose.

“You smell weird,” she said.

“Okay, rude,” Carlos laughed, but when he looked down he noticed he was wearing the same jacket he’d smoked in that morning. A stupid mistake. Mal frowned at him.

“I’ll take your coat?” She said, and Carlos nodded and let her take it before they even went inside. She shoved it in an entryway closet that just held umbrellas, and when they arrived into the main hall Lumiere stood at the ready to offer to take Evie’s coat.

“You should dress more appropriately for the weather, Sir,” Lumiere said, eyeing Carlos in his light button down. “It’s cold out this morning.”

“Yeah,” was all Carlos said, small. Mal’s face was unreadable. They made their way into the breakfast room, a whole room just for breakfast. It stood on the east wing, with walls covered in large windows to let in the morning sun. There were plenty of places at the table, but they always sat in the plush chairs off at the side, eating from plates in their laps. Ben was already there, sitting up straight and waving at them. Carlos noticed he wasn’t the only one there.

Jay looked up at them, wide grin on his face.

“Surprise!” He said.

-

The last time Carlos had seen Jay in person had been an accident. He’d been on the isle, doing some grocery shopping for his mom as her pretend butler for the day. The isle was looking a lot better since the barrier had been down for a few years. The shops were full of fresh food imported directly from Auradon, not just fresh off of the garbage barges. Carlos walked through the marketplace trying to complete his mom’s list when he’d seen the familiar face.

Jay was talking to a stall owner, his hair glinting in the sun. Carlos hadn’t expected to see him at all and felt frozen, even though he figured he should just go over and say hi.

Jay saw him before he had a chance, and there was an expression as if he’d been caught, too. Jay paid for his purchase and then walked over to Carlos.

“Hey, Carlos! What are you doing here?” He asked.

“Just some shopping for mom,” Carlos said. “She’s, uh, got a cold so she... doesn’t want to.”

“No surprise she’d run you out on errands,” Jay laughed, reaching out and patting Carlos on the shoulder.

“How about you? Not adventuring this break?”

“No, tourney is crazy right now, the team is going to the championship so we’re working all through break,” Jay said. “Actually, um, my dad’s not feeling too well either, which is why I’m here. Just for the day, to make sure he’s doing okay, then it’s back to practice.”

“Is he really sick?” Carlos asked, feeling bad for making up the story about his mom, who was feeling fine as she ever did.

“No, no,” Jay said quickly. “I’m trying to convince him to go to a doctor in Auradon, though, but he think’s he’ll just sleep it off.” Jay sighed.

“So he’s pretty sick, then,” Carlos said, noting Jay’s worry.

“Yeah, I guess he is,” Jay said. “He’ll get back on his feet soon enough, though.” Carlos nodded, and the two stood in silence for a moment. Carlos felt awkward, he never knew what to say to Jay these days. They used to talk so easily, and now he couldn’t even find the words for ‘I’ve missed you.’ He picked at the leather of his gloves nervously. Jay broke the silence first, “you know, he told me he was disappointed I didn’t go after King Ben.”

“What?” Carlos asked.

“My dad, when I, um, told him I’m gay. His reaction was just disappointment that I let Mal take Ben,” Jay said with a laugh. “It was pretty funny.”

“You told your dad?” Carlos said, and Jay shrugged.

“Yeah, it’s not a secret or anything, everyone knows. He would have heard it from somewhere.” Jay ran his hand through his hair. “And it turned out okay.”

“That’s good,” Carlos said. “I’m glad for you.”

“Me, too,” Jay laughed, breathless. “How’s Jane doing?”

“Jane is good,” Carlos said, smiling.

“Now that Evie and Doug have tied the knot, it must be about time for you and Jane to be thinking about it, huh?” Jay gave him one of his signature cocky grins, but there was something else there.

“Maybe,” Carlos said, shy. “I know she wants me to propose it’s just... Scary, right?”

“I can only imagine,” Jay said. “But you two are great together! You guys are just… Great.” He laughed awkwardly.

Carlos wanted to change the topic to just about anything. “How’s Gil?”

“Fine, I guess, he’s always doing something exciting when I hear from him,” Jay said. “We aren’t, uh, together, I guess, anymore.”

“Oh,” Carlos said, feeling bad for bringing it up. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. We had a really great time together, I wouldn’t have traded it for anything,” Jay said with a sad smile. “It was completely a mutual split, for the best for both of us.” They were interrupted then by a flurry of brightly colored feathers as Iago flew in to perch on Jay’s shoulder, squawking about Jafar’s fever.

“Shit, thanks, I’ll be right home,” Jay said to the bird, who flew away. “I’ll see you later?” He said to Carlos, who just nodded as Jay pushed past him.

“Oh- uh! Tell your dad I said get well soon!” Carlos called out after Jay, who nodded back at him before disappearing into the crowd.

Cruella had scolded Carlos when he returned to Hell Hall missing half of her grocery list.

A week later Carlos texted Jay to ask about his dad, and was relieved to get a text in return that he was doing okay.

-

It had been nearly a year since Carlos had last seen Jay in person back on the isle. Carlos thought bitterly to himself that maybe he wouldn’t always be so shell shocked at seeing his friend if maybe he’d just make more of an effort to see him. Or if Jay made more of an effort to see him. Carlos wasn’t really sure where the rift in their relationship had come from.

“Jay!” Evie had squealed at him, running across the room to tackle him with a hug. Carlos put on a grin and walked over as well, receiving one of his own from Jay, as well as a firm tousle to his hair. Carlos breathed in Jay, feeling a bit overwhelmed. He’d thought Jay had cancelled coming down that weekend.

“Hey, hey,” Carlos said, batting Jay’s hand away. “You’re ruining my hair.”

“You smell weird,” Jay said, laughing, and Carlos froze.

“What- no?” Carlos laughed nervously.

“Yeah, you do,” Jay said. “Oh- did you stay at Evie’s last night? You smell like her conditioner.”

Carlos let out a breath of relief and pushed Jay away, laughing. “Shut up,” he said. “How do you even remember how her conditioner smells…”

“Your hair is getting long again,” Jay said, tousling it again with a laugh. “And curly. It looks good.”

They all sat down and breakfast was served.

Mal and Ben told a story about their recent vacation to Neverland, Ben’s graduation present, and swimming with mermaids there and visiting skull island and the like. Jay recalled his play at the last game of the season, and how good he thought his chances of getting scouted was. He seemed confident and excited. Evie talked about how business and married life was going, as it was their first time all together since she and Doug tied the knot.

“Of course Doug had to stay home today,” she said with an eye roll. “He sends his regrets, he has a gig this weekend that the band just cant stop rehearsing for, apparently.”

Carlos let out a short, derisive laugh. “At all hours of the night,” he said. “He was going at it until four AM last night with that guitar, which made Dude sit there barking at the door til that late.”

Jay looked confused. “What about Jane, where’s she? Did you pop the question, yet?”

“Oh, um,” Carlos said, face warming up. 

“The ring...” Jay said, frowning. He looked from Carlos to Evie to Mal, like he was missing something. Carlos was staying at Evie’s, Jane wasn’t there, and the last time they’d talked Carlos had shown Jay the ring he planned to use to propose to Jane… Carlos bit his lip.

“Oh,” Evie said. “Mal, I thought you’d tell him.”

“Why would I tell him!” Mal said, frowning. “It’s Carlos’s life, I thought he would!”

Ben shot Carlos a sympathetic look.

Carlos wasn’t paying attention though, he was frozen staring at Jay as he looked at Evie and Mal in confusion. He hadn’t told Jay about the breakup, or his coming out. He didn’t know why he didn’t think to, he’d just immediately immersed himself in his internship search. Maybe he just didn’t want to have that in their text conversation, the ring and then ‘we broke up actually i’m gay.’ Honestly, though, Carlos kind of figured Jay would just... Know.

“Audrey knew,” Carlos said, with a nervous laugh, drawing attention to himself, now. “Um, yeah. Jane and I broke up.”

“Oh,” Jay said, looking genuinely sad for him. He reached out and put a hand on Carlos’s knee. “Man, I’m so sorry.”

“I broke up with her,” Carlos said. “Or, uh. I. I told her...” Jay was looking right at him, and the words died in his throat. Why was this so hard? He shook his head, looking down at the plate of food in his lap. “It’s fine,” he said. “It’s fine because I broke up with her, so. That’s on me.”

Jay took his hand away and leaned back in his chair. “No, man, breakups suck. When Gil and I split, even though it was mutual and for the best, it still hurt like a bitch.”

Carlos nodded, not looking up. There was an awkward stillness to the room now. Like something was supposed to happen. Carlos excused himself to use the restroom.

“I’ll show you,” Mal said. “it’s easy to get lost in here.” As if he hadn’t been there for breakfast plenty of times before.

When they were out of the room Mal gave a heavy sigh and leaned against the wall, not going anywhere. Carlos stopped, waiting for her to say something.

“You’ll get caught if you try to smoke anywhere in the castle,” she sighed, frowning.

“I wasn’t going to,” Carlos said, truthfully. He wasn’t stupid enough to bring cigarettes into the royal castle. He _was_ stupid, but not that stupid.

“Good,” Mal said. “Why didn’t you tell Jay?”

“I’ve been busy, I’m looking for an internship-“

“No,” Mal said. “Just now. You didn’t tell him that you came out and that’s why you and Jane broke up.”

Carlos was silent, shrugging.

Mal stared at him in that way where he knew she could see everything, even the things he couldn’t. She sighed. “Carlos, I’ve said it a million times but if you need to hear it again- you deserve to be happy. You really do.”

Carlos shrugged again, Jane’s sad eyes coming to his mind. How she’d cried because of what he did, how he’d wasted her time and now she had to live with that all because he was so, so stupid.

“You’ll figure it out one day,” Mal said, clapping his shoulder. “Stop smoking, though, seriously. And don’t come to my castle smelling like it!”

-

The council meeting started off pretty boring, Carlos sat next to Jay, though, which kept it entertaining. He was relieved when they slipped into their old patterns of whispering jokes to each other under their breath, which was nice. Uma was there, of course, with Harry, representing the isle’s interests with a thick handful of papers. Uma spoke about VK discrimination, reminding Carlos of his interview the other day.

“All of Auradon is not Auradon City,” she said. “While the protections you’ve given us might work out fine here, where not many want to deny us our rights as Auradon citizens, but go to Grimmsville? Camelot? Triton’s Bay?” Uma shook her head. “There will always be a good reason not to give us that job, or housing, or not admit us to their schools.” Carlos found himself nodding with her. “Jay!” she said. “You’re the VK ambassador at Sherwood Forest University, so let me ask you, how many VKs have there been at Sherwood?”

“Uh, seven,” Jay said.

“And how many are on the tourney team?”

“Six,” Jay said. “But the seventh is on the R.O.A.R. team.”

“Now that’s interesting,” Uma said, addressing the room. “Because Sherwood Forest has the leading biology department in the kingdom, and while Auradon Prep has dozens of VKs who have graduated with honors, who are passionate about biology and with Sherwood Forest as their first pick school. Students who have excelled way past their Auradon peers, who seemed to get into the program just fine, so why are there only athlete VKs enrolled?”

Jay nodded.

“Shouldn’t that be his job to watch out for?” Grumpy said, from where he sat with the other dwarves. “As VK ambassador?”

“A student?” Uma laughed. “This is the problem- VKs are expected to fight for everything ourselves, while Auradon kids have adults up top to help them. And in the places where they need help most, those of us who are older can’t even get jobs or housing to be there for them.”

“We hear you,” King Ben said. Mal nodded, expression serious.

“So what are you going to do about it?” Uma asked, hands on her hips. Carlos couldn’t help but smile at that, he admired Uma’s confidence.

“We will read over your proposal and try and find where the loopholes that are being exploited in the VK anti-discrimination laws are,” Mal said. “We take this very seriously, anyone born on the isle has complete free range on Auradon and should be allowed access to all of its opportunities.”

Uma stood there for a moment before nodding and letting a smile onto her face. “Thanks, Mal,” she said, handing her stack of papers to the king and queen before taking her seat next to Harry. Jay stood up now.

“Uh, hi,” he said, giving the room a little wave. “Um, I need my dad to be pardoned.”

There was a gasp in the room, and Carlos looked at his friend in surprise.

“The VK anti-discrimination laws don’t apply to our parents-“

“Which is kind of the point,” said the mermaid sister of Ariel who sat in a tub near the back of the room. Carlos didn’t know her name. “I can accept that Uma here was just born into a bad circumstance-but you wouldn’t expect me to just forget everything Ursula did to my family, right?”

“Yeah, I get that,” Jay said, nodding. “But, my dad is really sick. Like, really sick. And they don’t really have the medicine or technology to help him on the isle, and he had some witch doctors try and use magic to help him but that’s only temporary.

“The problem is, Auradon doctors won’t help him, and they don’t have to because he’s a villain. So, I need you guys to pardon him.”

Mal let out a long breath, and the room was silent.

“That’s a big ask,” she said, nervously.

“I know,” Jay said, and he pulled a folded up piece of paper out of his pocket. “You don’t have to answer right now, um, here’s my petition.” Jay took the paper up to the front of the room where Mal and Ben sat. They looked at it and Ben looked back at Jay, sympathetic.

“Uh, these are all villain signatures,” he said. “So they don’t really count.”

“Oh,” Jay said. “My dad doesn’t really have very many non-villain friends.” Jay reached out to take the paper back but Mal pulled it away and scribbled her name on it.

“There’s one,” she said. “We’ll take this-“

“Wait,” Carlos and Evie jumped up. “we’ll sign it.” And they did, Jay smiling wide at them all the way.

-

Evie offered to let Jay stay at her castle for the night, but he was staying with his dad for the moment and was heading back to the isle. Evie gave him a long hug and told him he had to come back again soon.

Carlos walked with Jay to his car, wanting a moment with just him. “Hey, I’m really sorry about your dad,” he said. “I thought he was feeling better?”

“He was,” Jay said. “And then he wasn’t.” Jay sighed, leaning against his car.

“Mal will do everything she can to help, I’m sure,” Carlos said, and Jay nodded.

“I know, but I don’t know if it will be enough,” Jay ran a hand through his hair. “What Uma said was right-it’s hard enough for us VKs out here, no ones ready to accept our parents.”

Carlos nodded. “I had an interview for an internship in Triton’s Bay,” he said. “They basically asked if I was planning on skinning anyone’s pets.”

Jay frowned. “That sucks,” he said.

“Yeah,” he said, shrugging. “Things are better now, though, right?”

“They should be,” Jay said. “Well- take care. Don’t hole yourself up in your room at Evie’s, you’ve got us all behind you, okay.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Carlos said, and Jay hugged him and Carlos didn’t want to let go. But he did. And Jay left with a ‘call me, sometime.’

Evie came up beside him with his jacket in her arms. “Let’s go?” she said, bumping his shoulder with her’s. He looked at her and smiled.

“Yeah,” he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr - vndooms
> 
> this whole first part is already finished, i am just doing final tweaks/edits/splitting it into chapters and posting as i go as i work on the second part which i’m probably about halfway done with. i don’t usually post wips bc like... the horror if you don’t finish and this fandom honestly already has so many wips but. i believe in myself.


	3. three

A couple months before Evie and Doug’s wedding, everyone had gone out to Sherwood Forest, renting a cute cabin for the weekend of one of Jay’s big games. He’d declared it one of the biggest, saying a lot of important scouts would be there. He was only in his sophomore year but rising quickly in notoriety on the tourney team. Everyone was really excited for him, Carlos could recall the buzz of energy in the car when they’d all driven up from Auradon City together. It has been an exciting time, they were all in college or working on their successful business or killing it as queen of Auradon and it seemed like they really did have the whole world laid out before them.

They didn’t get to see Jay much before the game, but they sat close to the field during it, cheering loudly for their friend. He saw them in the stands and waved at them excitedly. It felt like high school, a bit, and he’d never admit it but Carlos kind of missed playing the game with Jay. Sherwood Forest won, and Jay had been the star of the field as much as they could see. A celebration was held at their rented cabin afterwards, loud and full of burning adrenaline.

Jay had friends from the team present, and then some of their friends were there, too. Carlos felt reminded of the ‘hellraiser’ he’d held his own sophomore year of high school at Mal’s... Insistence. It still wasn’t anything he was really interested in. It was a proper college party, which Carlos didn’t go to at his own school back in the city.

Jane was wide eyed in awe, though, laughing at a joke one of the tourney players was making. She was across the room from Carlos, after she’d failed to convince him to mingle with her. Carlos was just standing alone, kind of awkward, near the door to his room for the weekend. He had a fear someone would try and get in there… He chalked the anxiety up to his isle upbringing.

“Gonna let another guy talk to your girl like that?” Carlos jumped at the sound of Jay’s voice in his ear. He’d somehow snuck up beside him.

“What- oh, come on,” Carlos laughed, slapping Jay in the shoulder as he saw the teasing grin on his face.

“Have some fun, Carlos!” He said, slinging an arm around him. “It’s a party!”

Carlos shook him off with a huff. “I am having fun,” he said. “Maybe I just like standing in corners away from the action.”

“Ha,” Jay said, knocking their shoulders. Carlos let out a long breath, face feeling warm now. He hadn’t had much to drink, Evie had brought a bunch of ciders which were better than beer to him so he’d had more than he usually would at a party (read: none) but still, not too much. Enough to make Carlos feel heavy enough to lean on Jay a bit, though. Pressing his shoulder against his. 

“School going well?” Carlos asked, glancing up at Jay. They didn’t really… Touch like this anymore. Jay slipped an arm around Carlos’s waist and Carlos let out a long breath. He looked over at Jane, still in conversation with the tourney player. This was how they used to always stand close together back before Jay had gone away and they’d stopped being close like they used to, so it was fine, he reasoned.

“Fine,” Jay said. “The classes are really hard here, but I’m keeping my grades up… I think some of the professors are giving me easy A’s, though, because I’m on the team… We got a couple more VKs in this year, so helping them has got me busy.”

Carlos nodded. “We got like fifty new VKs in our last freshman class,” Carlos said. “I wouldn’t be able to manage being VK ambassador and my classes if I didn’t have Ben there, too. And Evie and Mal are always helping out…” Carlos paused, and maybe he had had a bit more to drink than he’d thought because he asks, “Is it lonely up here?”

Jay looked surprised at the question. “Yeah,” he said. “Sometimes.” He paused for a moment. “Gil comes up every now and again; we’ll spend the weekend together and that’s always nice. I miss all of you guys, though. When you guys post like… Brunch pics on instagram. Yeah.”

Carlos had wanted to tell Jay to come down then, sometime. Come to their dumb brunches, come to more council meetings, and maybe come see him sometime. Jay looked at him as he didn’t say any of that, expression expectant. Carlos just stared back. Jay squeezed his waist, then, and pulled away his hand with an apologetic smile.

“Hey, uh, I actually do think my teammate over there _is_ putting the moves on Jane. You should go scare him away,” Jay said. “I’m gonna go try and get Mal on the dance floor. See you around.”

He left Carlos’s side as Carlos looked across the room at Jane. The tourney guy was leaning in close to her, as she stood obliviously giggling at his every word. Carlos shook his head and went over to intervene, telling the guy she was taken.

“He was flirting with me?” Jane said, eyes wide after Carlos pulled her away.

“Clearly!” Carlos said, incredulous. Jane laughed and shook her head.

“I don’t know,” she said, looking embarrassed. “I don’t really expect guys to flirt with me, I guess?”

“Come on, you’re gorgeous, all of the guys in here are jealous of me right now,” Carlos said, wrapping his arms around her waist and giving her a kiss. She smiled into it.

“Maybe,” she said. “If someone like you is with me, I’ll believe it.”

-

Carlos had a couple more interviews that didn’t go too well, it seemed his mom wasn’t the one he should’ve been concerned about when it came to his veterinary aspirations. Even the better interviews were with interviewers who said his last name like it was a swear word and ended with a curt ‘we will be in touch if we decide you’re what we’re looking for.’ Carlos felt lucky that he’d already been accepted into a graduate program in Auradon City at the same school he’d received his Bachelors at, but none of the vets in the area were hiring interns, and he really wanted to get some experience that summer.

It was after one of these bad interviews that he next saw Jay. Carlos was hiding in the gardens, sitting on the ground amongst the brush and just about pulling his hair out as he smoked a cigarette. He was almost out, he had noted to himself when he pulled the pack out from under his mattress. He’d have to visit his mom again, soon.

“Oh, gross,” Jay’s voice said, and Carlos whipped his head around to look over his shoulder in surprise. Jay was peeking over the shrubs at him, a frown on his face. “Smoking is not cool, and very illegal, Carlos.”

“Hey,” Carlos said, weakly. He didn’t put out the cigarette, though, he’d only just lit it and was too close to finishing the pack to waste it. Jay sighed and sat down, nearby Carlos but not too close.

“Your mom got you hooked on those?” Jay asked. Carlos shrugged.

“Yeah, I guess,” he said. Even though his mom didn’t light up his first one for him, she didn’t even have to open the pack. He’d done that all by himself.

“Smells awful,” Jay said, and Carlos nodded, flicking off some ash before hesitantly taking another drag. Jay looked away but didn’t say anything.

“I had a bad interview,” he said, a lame excuse.

“That sucks,” Jay said. And they sat in silence as Carlos finished his cigarette, pressing it out in the grass before shoving the butt into his pocket. “I just came to check up on you, see how you’re doing… Your texts haven’t been very insightful.”

“I guess,” Carlos shrugged. He tried not to think about Jay coming all the way to Auradon City from the isle just to check up on him. Tried not to think about how he never came down when he’d been at Sherwood Forest. He didn’t want to think about this whole situation he found himself in. The situation they were in together.

“You’re not doing very good, I see,” Jay said with a sad smile. “Evie’s worried about you. I’m worried about you.”

“I’m gonna be fine,” Carlos said. “Just- the job search and Jane and everything. It’s a lot on my mind, right now. I’m stressed.”

“You don’t have to do it alone,” Jay said, and Carlos shrugged again. Jay scooted closer to Carlos now, and Carlos leaned against him, starving for the comfort. They used to always stay so close to each other, they used to touch all the time. Jay wrapped an arm around him and Carlos tried hard not to let the stinging behind his eyes become anything more. But he couldn’t hold back the tears, built up from all the stress of the last couple weeks. He buried his face in Jay’s collar, and Jay pat his back. They’d done this a thousand times before, Carlos thought. 

The sun slid down below the horizon and the two of them went inside. Evie gave Jay a questioning look and Jay gave her a sad smile, while Carlos didn’t look at either of them.

-

Carlos saw Jane the week after that. He drove up to their house after texting her he was going to get some stuff, he had some extra letters of recommendation he never bothered copying onto the computer because he’d had so many he didn’t think the ones he’d left behind were necessary. Jane said she’d see him there.

Jane looked... Rough. Her cheeks were splotchy and she played with her hands nervously as Carlos entered the cottage.

“Hi!” she said in an imitation of her usually cheerful tone.

“Hi,” Carlos said. “I, uh, missed you.” He meant it, standing there in their living room. She looked so sad, though, it hurt to look at her. He wanted to help her, to go right up to her and hold her and kiss her until they both felt full of love.

But that wouldn’t help her at all.

“You, too,” she said.

“I’m gonna grab those papers,” Carlos said. “Then...” He have her a hesitant smile, a question in his expression.

“Tea? Maybe?” Jane said, hopeful.

“That sounds great,” Carlos said, feeling relieved.

Jane looked relieved as well. “I’ll go put on the kettle!” And she did. In about fifteen minutes Carlos had retrieved all of his papers, as well as some of Dude’s favorite toys he’d left behind, and Jane sat in the den with two cups of steaming hot tea.

Chamomile, which they both loved.

Carlos sat down across from her.

“How are you?” Carlos asked, and Jane shrugged, a forced smile on her face.

“Fine, considering,” she said, that forced cheer in her voice still present. “My life kind of feels like a nightmare I can’t wake up from- but mom told me that it will pass.” Carlos didn’t know how to respond and Jane’s face fell, and she breathed in a sharp breath. “How about you?”

“The job search is going rough, who knew how little opportunities there were for VKs out of Auradon City,” Carlos said. 

“Oh yeah, a pirate came by the other week with a petition about that,” Jane said. “Apparently they were going to bring it up at a council meeting? Horrible stuff, after everything you guys went through growing up you think everyone would give you a break...” Jane shook her head, curls bouncing. Carlos reached out to push a stray lock of hair back into place, but Jane flinched and he pulled his hand back.

“Sorry,” he said. “Um. Yeah, I went to the council meeting, Uma gave a great speech. Oh, Jay petitioned for his dad to get pardoned, too.” Jane looked surprised.

“Why would he do that?” She said.

“I guess Jafar is really sick and no Auradon doctors will help,” Carlos explained. Jane nodded.

“That’s... A lot,” she said, shaking her head. “Ben and Mal will have a lot to think about. I hope it all works out...” Carlos nodded. They drank their tea in silence now, having both too much to say and yet no words to say them.

Jane found the words first. “I’m glad you told me the truth,” she said. “I would have never forgiven myself if we had gotten married or had kids all while you were struggling like that.”

Carlos nodded, even though he didn’t get it. The only one who shouldn’t be forgiven was himself.

“I just... How long did you know?” Jane looked away, cheeks turning pink.

Carlos bit his lip. “I don’t know,” he said. “I don’t think there was a knowing or not knowing... Just what I was allowing and not allowing.”

Jane nodded, looking down at her hands. “There, um, there wasn’t anyone else, then?”

“No!” Carlos said, leaning forward. “Jane, no, never. I never cheated, I wouldn’t.” Jane wiped at her eyes, hands coming away wet. “Jane,” Carlos said, grabbing her hands, she looked up at him, wide eyed. “I did, and do, love you. So much, with my whole heart.”

“Why can’t we be together, then!” she pleaded, voice cracking and eyes looking just a bit wild. He wanted to kiss her tears away and hold her close and tell her anything she wanted to hear. But she needed the truth, now.

“Because you deserve to be happy with someone who can give you all of himself. Who can love you the way you love him.”

Jane cried openly. “What if he doesn’t exist?” she asked. “What if it was just you…”

“He’s out there,” Carlos said. “I’m so sorry for wasting all this time you could’ve been finding him.”

Jane cried and cried and Carlos sat there and took it. He hated himself for doing this to her. She gripped his hands tight and he hated himself every second of it.

-

Kids on the isle didn’t really date. They weren’t taught to care about people, and that’s a pretty big part of dating. There was plenty of flirting and attraction as the first wave of kids made their way into high school. Jay was well known to be at the forefront of it at Dragon Hall, the guy of all the girl’s dreams and the guy’s jealous nightmares. Anthony Tremaine was popular as well, but related to far too many girls at the school to compete.

Carlos, younger than everyone else in his grade, didn’t pay it any mind when he wasn’t interested in any of the stuff. While some boys whispered about kissing and meeting girls in the dead of night, he wasn’t the only one who’s thoughts weren’t consumed by girls, girls, girls.

One day, Jay had taken a seat at Carlos’s table at lunch, and some other boys sat down with them, trying to leech off a bit of that special Jay charm. Jay had looked a bit irritated.

“Hey, Jay,” Anthony Tremaine had said, setting down his tray of food, which held a mushy old tomato and a slightly moldy roll. “I heard you and Mal were something of an item now.” Jay frowned. Even if isle kids didn’t date, they knew the concept of exclusivity, of owning someone for ones self.

“Absolutely not,” he said. “You’ll never catch me tied down. Me and Mal are just... Business partners.”

Anthony wrinkled his nose at that.

“Is girls all you talk about,” Carlos had cut in before Anthony could go on, annoyed. He usually had a nice quiet lunch period, so he wasn’t happy with the intrusion.

“What would you rather talk about, school work, nerd?” Anthony said.

“Sure,” Jay cut in. “How’d you do on that last enrichment test, Anthony? Oh wait- you were held back a year and aren’t in our enrichment class, huh? Sucks...” He smirked.

Anthony scowled, sitting back. Carlos looked at Jay and couldn’t help but smile, even as he went in to make conversation with some of the other boys about something or other. Jay’s hair was nice, he noted, it looked soft, reaching past his shoulders somehow both messy and graceful. Carlos didn’t dwell on these thoughts, though. He just went back to eating and reading the book he had brought with him.

Days later the Gastons tripped him in the hallway and Jay helped him up, smiling at him in a way Carlos had never seen before. Weeks later during gym they played dodge ball and Jay caught a ball that have been thrown right at Jay’s face, saving him from a black eye and maybe a broken nose, he’d smiled back at him again, then. Cocky yet sweet, and all for Carlos. It was addicting. Carlos craved that smile, but he didn’t know how to earn it, it just came on it’s own sometimes when Jay was nearby. Completely random.

Maybe because Carlos didn’t know about caring for others, or how happy someone’s affection could make you feel, or about holding hands and Auradon style dating and just wanting to be around someone for the sake of it-he didn’t recognize these feelings as romantic. He didn’t know anything about romance. All he knew was what he heard about boys kissing girls in secluded corners of the city.

When they left the isle, he learned about romance, and he felt scared at where he recognized it in his life. Jay continued to flirt with girls, to dance with them, to be wanted by them. Carlos had pushed this realization far into the recesses of his mind.

“If you were going to ask someone to cotillion...” Carlos had asked, he still didn’t know what he was really trying to say there. If he wanted Jay to turn around and say, “I’d ask you” or what. Some sort of validation for his realization.

Then there was Jane. She was pretty, she was nice, she was exactly who he should take to cotillion. Exactly who he should like. He did like her, and they had a class together where she was attentive and sometimes even a bit funny. He’d helped her brainstorm a couple papers before. He could want her, he thought to himself.

He’d wanted to truth gummy to figure out his true feelings, he knew. The jumbled mess that was his mind couldn’t seem to work out what he was feeling for who. When Dude took it, though, he felt relieved.

He asked Jane to cotillion. He asked her to be his girlfriend, if she wanted, and left no escape clause for himself. He insisted he didn’t need one.

Jay went to cotillion with Lonnie, Carlos thought they were cute together. He told Jay this and Jay gave him a confused look. “Lonnie and I are just friends.” Carlos had laughed because, of course, Jay would never be tied down.

Then Jay came out as gay, which turned everything upside-down. Carlos’s confusion, previously buried deep into his mind, made a struggling attempt to rise up to the surface. He lay in bed that Summer staring at the ceiling trying to figure it out. He liked Jane, he loved her. Jay was just...

He thought about Jay’s smile and that sparkle in his eye when he looked at Carlos, sometimes. He thought about how it felt to hold Jane, and how it felt to be held by Jay. How he never wanted him to let go, how he felt he could just melt into him. It felt wrong to think of Jay like that. Unfaithful. So he stopped, pushing it back down. He had Jane, he couldn’t want Jay, so he didn’t want Jay.

Until that day with the engagement ring, Carlos couldn’t allow himself to even think about being gay. His affection for Jane distracted him from the knowledge of his attraction to Jay, which would’ve put a stark spotlight on his lack of attraction to Jane. His lack of attraction to any girls, ever, if he’d really thought of it.

Now all he could think about was his obvious crush on Ben when they’d first arrived in Auradon, and the way he loved to just watch sometimes when the tourney or R.O.A.R. teams did their warmups, glancing shyly at the other boys’ bodies. At the coronation, at cotillion, the engagement party, the party in the cabin at Sherwood forest; Carlos had found himself eyeing other guys every time. He wondered who else had noticed the longing he’d felt and ignored as he had tried to enjoy the feeling of acceptance and love from Jane as if that would be enough.


	4. four

Evie was fitting Carlos for a new suit, completely out of boredom.

“I hate summer,” she complained. It was well into June now, and all the balls and cotillions of the spring had passed and her workload had drastically decreased. “There’s like no customers and everyone who is shopping just wants the most boring summer dresses.”

“Mm,” Carlos said, nodding down at her as she pinned darts into the back of the jacket. “At least I get to see you, now.”

She smiled up at him. “Well if you came out of your room more often to stop moping, maybe you’d get lucky and spot me every once in a while.” Carlos rolled his eyes at her with a huff.

“It’s really getting down to the wire with this internship thing,” he insisted. “I’m not moping, I am being focused.”

“Well, at least I know you’re not smoking in your room, so if you’re in there so much then your quitting journey must be going well,” Evie said cheerfully, and Carlos bit his lip. “Carlos, please tell me you didn’t smoke in my house.”

“Of course not!” Carlos said, shocked she’d even think that. “I would never- I just. Usually go out in the morning before you’re up, or late at night if I can’t sleep.” Carlos had finished off his last pack the night before at 3AM, and was actually trying to find a good way to excuse himself on a day trip to the isle.

Evie sighed, shaking her head and looking disappointed. “Why do you do it, still?” she asked.

“Nicotine is an addictive substance and I’m genetically predisposed to addiction, because of my mom,” Carlos said, matter of factly. “And I’m going through a really stressful time in my life right now. The cigarettes help.”

Evie frowned but didn’t say anything else. Carlos’s phone rang from where it sat on Evie’s sewing table and she handed it to him.

“Oh, it’s Jay,” Carlos said, checking the caller ID before answering it. “Hey,” he said as he answers.

“Come visit me, I’m dying of boredom over here,” Jay whined on the other end of the line, skipping a greeting of his own. Carlos laughed, this was a convenient turn of events, he guessed.

“Is Iago not entertaining you enough?” He asked.

“He’s so loud, I barely get any sleep here,” Jay said. “So I’m bored and tired and irritated, come over. I’ll make you dinner.”

“Okay, I don’t have anything planned this evening, I’ll come over.” Jay let out a cheer and Carlos looked at Evie wondering if he should invite her along, too. It would make a pitstop at his mom’s a lot harder, though...

“Don’t worry about me,” she whispered, at least partially reading his mind. “Doug and I have a date tonight.”

“I’ll be at your dad’s by six, okay? Evie’s fitting me for a suit, then I’ll start out,” Carlos said to Jay.

“Awesome, I can’t wait,” Jay said in response. “I’m actually quite the chef now so prepared to be impressed.”

Carlos laughed before telling Jay he’d see him soon and hanging up.

“How exciting,” Evie said, clapping her hands together with a mischievous smile. Carlos frowned at her reaction, unsure of what she was trying to say. Or, well. He knew exactly what she was trying to say, but he didn’t like it. She didn’t elaborate, just went about working on the hem of the pants and humming happily to herself. He didn’t ask.

They finished the fitting by 3, when Doug got back from recording something with his band. Carlos was not very in the know of Doug’s life, he didn’t really know what he was up to these days. Carlos made a mental note to actually y’all to the guy sometime if he was going to be living with him. Carlos packed an overnight bag, unsure if he’d feel like driving all the way back to Auradon City that night and planning on crashing at his Mom’s if not.

He stopped off at Cruella’s first. She greeted him with the same wide, fake grin as always.

“I don’t have that much time today, I’m in town to have dinner with Jay,” Carlos said, feeling a bit guilty as his mom handed him two packs of cigarettes. “I can come by after if you need anything, though.”

“Maybe I just want your company,” his mom sniffed and he rolled his eyes. “I do need help with my hair, though,” she admitted, “and the curtains are looking dusty!”

“Sure, mom,” Carlos said, shoving the packs into his pocket. He went to leave but his mother called him back.

“How’s Jane doing?” She asked, eyes narrowed a bit.

“Oh...” Carlos didn’t know why he hadn’t prepared for this question from her. She usually asked about Jane and their relationship. “Um, we broke up.”

Cruella chuckled at that, seemingly unsurprised by the news. “That’s fine, there’s other girls out there. Choose someone taller next time.”

“Okay,” Carlos said, not really feeling up to telling his mom about the rest of it. And there were plenty of boys taller than him, so. He’d keep to his word.

Carlos bid his mother farewell, promising to come back to help her out with the curtains later, and headed towards Jafar’s shop. He left his car at his mom’s; finding parking was too frustrating in the bustling center of the isle where the old Junk Shop was.

Jafar’s shop had the lights off, not open for business while it’s owner was bedridden, Carlos assumed. Carlos stepped up to the door and knocked on it. 

“Jay?” he called. After a moment Jay opened the door with a smile. Carlos was surprised, the maze of locks usually took longer to open. 

“Finally,” he said, even though Carlos was almost twenty minutes early, so he laughed. He followed Jay into the shop, noticing the shelves were pretty much empty and a bedroll was laid out on the far end of the room, with Jay’s bag laying open next to it.

“When did your dad close up shop?” Carlos asked. The store used to be stuffed with Jay’s stolen goods. When Carlos was little he used to have to go there just to buy back his school books whenever Jay or Mal would steal them from him, and he’d end up digging through piles of books with covers signed by his classmates. There weren’t any books in there now, or any of the busted electronics he used to look at longingly. 

Jay shrugged, “some time after the barrier went down, I guess. Not much of a market for junk when you can just go to Auradon for new things. His stock was running low without me around, anyway.”

“I guess that makes sense,” was all Carlos said, following Jay into the kitchen in the back of the store, sectioned off with a decorative screen that Carlos had never seen before. 

It smelled good, Jay was in the middle of cooking something, a sauce simmering on the stovetop.

“Gil and I took a cooking class in Agrabah when we went there during my gap year,” Jay said, as Carlos looked at all the food, poking at the sauce with a spoon. “It was pretty cool, I like making the stuff I learned for dad, like maybe food from home will help him power through this?” Jay laughed and shook his head.

“I didn’t know you went to Agrabah,” Carlos said, looking at Jay.

“Yeah, it was honestly kind of terrifying,” Jay said. 

“Why did you go, then?” Carlos asked.

“It’s where I’m from, you know?” Jay said. “My dad always talked so highly of Agrabah. I wanted to experience it, too.”

Carlos hadn’t known Jay cared about his heritage or where he came from like that. Like it was worth it to risk going somewhere where he’d probably be so hated. Carlos had never felt compelled to visit his mother’s hometown, himself, he’d seen enough of the bad blood their parents had created in school between Mal and Audrey to know to stay away. He was going through enough just trying to find a job.

But Jay looked so content tending to the food from his homeland. Carlos thought, then, about how much Jay had grown into himself over the years. There was a pang in his chest over it. That he hadn’t known these things.

“That sounds nice,” Carlos said, watching Jay tend to the dinner.

“It was,” Jay smiled. “If my dad gets pardoned, I want to take him back there.”

“Really?” Carlos asked.

“Yeah,” Jay looked over his shoulder. “I think it would be good for him.” Carlos hummed in response, leaning back on a counter and watching Jay cook. He looked really good, too, in a maroon tank top and his maroon and gold joggers, hair pulled up loosely in a knot. Carlos wanted to reach out and touch his bare shoulder, feel his golden skin under his fingertips. He felt guilty at the thought, and so he didn’t.

Soon enough Jay was preparing two plates with rice, sauce filled with meat and vegetables, and bread. He led Carlos to the small table in the corner of the kitchen, humming ‘be our guest’ under his breath which made Carlos laugh.

“I hope it’s good,” Jay said, handing Carlos a fork and spoon. And it was, everything was so good. It was flavorful and warm and tasted wonderful. Jay looked wonderful as well, grinning expectantly at Carlos in the dim light of the kitchen, glowing, happy. Carlos felt struck by the sudden desire to kiss Jay, to lean over the table and grab him by the front of his shirt and just... He shoveled another spoonful on food into his mouth instead.

“It’s incredible,” he said, mouth full, and Jay grinned and dug in himself.

“Thanks,” Jay said. “I mean it… This is really nice, I needed this. So. Thanks for coming over.” 

“Of course,” Carlos said, still around a mouth full of food. Jay smiled, looking down at his plate in an almost shy manner.. Carlos was smiling at him when he looked up. “Things must be hard right now, how’s everything with tourney going?”

“I’m really nervous,” Jay admitted with a shrug. “Offers will probably start coming in soon... I can only hope asking to get my dad pardoned doesn’t ruin my chances of getting onto a good team.” He laughed awkwardly. “Pretty much every MVP who’s ever graduated from Sherwood gets an offer to play for the region’s pro team… I don’t wanna break the streak.”

Carlos hadn’t even thought of that. “There’s no way, you’re so good and it’s just… I mean, what else would people expect from you?”

Jay shrugged.

Carlos sighed. “I didn’t expect it to get this hard after school,” he said. “It really felt like we had our lives all figured out back then, right? Mal was getting married, Evie had her business, you knew exactly what you wanted to do…”

“You had Jane,” Jay said, tone unreadable. Carlos stared at him.

“Yeah, I did,” Carlos said, but his voice cracked on it. “I guess I had no standing to feel so confident, huh…”

Jay shrugged.

“Who’s here?” came a voice from the one other room in the shop, hoarse but recognizable as Jafar. “Jay?” he called, as he stepped into the kitchen.

“Dad,” Jay said, jumping up. “You should be resting!”

Jafar looked gaunt, a word Carlos hardly would’ve associated with the man before. His face was pale and his eyes sunken, wrapped in a robe, looking completely lost in his own house. Jay rushed over to him and helped him back to his room, shushing him as he asked who was over. “It’s just Carlos, Carlos de Vil,” he said. “Do you want dinner? I’ll bring you a plate.”

With that Jay rushed to put together another plate and bring it to his dad, looking somewhat frantic. Carlos didn’t know what to do while he waited for Jay to return. Jafar really didn’t look well. When Jay returned he looked a bit embarrassed. 

“Sorry,” he said, and he leaned back against the counter, looking over to the bedroom, worry visible over his whole face. Biting his lip.

“Jay...” Carlos said, but Jay just shook his head, hiding his face in his hand. Carlos cleared the table of their plates, which were mostly empty, and placed them in the sink. He heard Jay take a deep breath and watched as he rubbed his eyes and looked at Carlos with a hesitant smile.

“It’s just a lot,” he said. “I’m fine.”

“Okay,” Carlos said, nodding slowly. There was a beat of silence.

“Hey, I’ve got something for you,” Jay said, and he led Carlos back into the main storefront where his bedroll and bag sat. He knelt down to dig in his bag as Carlos leaned against one of the empty shelves. “I don’t know why I didn’t give this to you earlier, uh, I got it on my gap year.” Jay stood up, holding something hidden in his hands. “Hold out your hand.”

Carlos did as he was told, and Jay set a small wooden figure of a terrier that looked a lot like Dude. Carlos stared at it, feeling something warm fill his chest.

“I got it in a trinket shop we visited in Corona,” Jay said, shy. Carlos flipped the figure around over in his hand, feeling warm and soft and.

Loved.

Carlos looked up at Jay, who was avoiding Carlos’s eyes in the dim light of the storefront. His cheeks were flushed. Carlos couldn’t hold back now, guilt be damned. He set the figure on the shelf beside him.

“Uh, do you like it?” Jay asked.

“Yeah,” Carlos said, reaching up and pushing a wayward lock of hair from Jay’s face. “Yeah, I really do.” And he held Jay softly by the back of his neck and pulled his face down to meet his in a kiss. Jay exhaled into it, letting out a sort of soft, desperate sound. He was hesitant as he kissed Carlos, delicate. Carlos held him close, pressing up against Jay and Jay gave in completely. Carlos took all he could from him, as Jay gave so willing, so generous. Even as the guilt rose in his throat like bile, he grabbed the front of Jay’s shirt as Jay pulled him close by his waist, holding onto him tightly. Carlos wanted to run his hands through Jay’s hair, so he did, pulling out the ponytail and tangling his fingers into the long locks. He ran a hand down Jay’s arm as Jay deepened the kiss.

Carlos was soon gasping for breath against Jay’s lips, prompting Jay to move his attention to Carlos’s jawline, neck, collarbone. They were flush against each other at this point, and he was losing himself in it. Carlos was suffocating in Jay, and the emotions, and the guilt, the guilt.

“Wait, wait,” Carlos choked out, pushing Jay away. Jay stepped back quickly, his eyes wide and dark and anxious. Lips shining, wet.

Carlos’s heart was pounding and he felt lightheaded and a little nauseous. He pushed past him, outside, grabbing his jacket as he rushed to the door.

Outside it was dark, he fumbled with his jacket to pull out a cigarette and his lighter, struggling to get it to light. When he finally managed it he took a deep drag that he let out with a shaky breath. He closed his eyes. The weather was warm, but it felt cool compared to Jafar’s shop. He shuddered. He leaned back against the building, feeling unable to hold up his own weight.

He heard the door open and close, and opened his eyes to see Jay beside him.

“Can I have one?” Jay asked, gesturing at the cigarette, and Carlos frowned.

“Absolutely not,” he said.

Jay scoffed and shook his head. “So you’re the only one allowed to be reckless?”

“Yeah, maybe,” Carlos said, looking down at his cigarette before closing his eyes and taking another drag. When he looked down at it again, his vision was blurry. He blinked quickly, willing away the burning behind his eyes. Jay stared at him. Carlos didn’t know what to say, he didn’t have an expiation for what had just happened.

“Are you really trying to quit?” Jay asked, leaning against the wall beside Carlos.

“No, not really,” Carlos said, rubbing his eyes. Jay kicked the ground in front of him. 

-

Carlos texted Evie to let her know he was staying the night at his mother’s. He’d left Jafar’s shop after he’d finished not-crying, telling Jay he had to be up early for another interview the next morning. He couldn’t sleep, though, and spent the next hour dusting the curtains of Hell Hall before finally collapsing on the mattress in the dressing room. Curling up into the blanket Evie had given him years ago.

When the sun shone through the window he woke up, a moment of panic shooting through his blood at being in his old room. He smoked another cigarette to try and push the feeling away, sitting there in his old bed, flicking the ashes thoughtlessly on the floor even though he knew his mom would be upset over that. He should’ve grabbed an ashtray from the other room. He looked around his old room then, at his mother’s best furs and the door to the bear trap laden closet. There was a cracked standing mirror that he used to cover up as a kid. It wasn’t covered then, and Carlos looked at his reflection. He didn’t look good, he thought to himself. His hair was messy and he had bags under his eyes from lack of sleep. He stared at himself as he took another drag from the cigarette. It wasn’t attractive. He was surrounded by the blanket Evie had given him years ago, it was worn but still pretty nice. The image was all wrong. 

Carlos noted with dull curiosity that his mother should’ve cleared his things from the room. She presumably still used it as her dressing room, having uncovered the mirror at some point. 

He spent the rest of the morning helping his mom with her hair, the first time since his teenage years. Touching up her roots, making sure all her wigs were perfectly styled, deep conditioning. The works. She talked and talked while he did so, he noticed she didn’t seem to be all there that morning. She got lost in the middle of her thoughts, and she asked him about Jane again. She didn’t say anything when Carlos reminded her they’d broken up. She didn’t yell at him, though, so that was good.

When he finally started for his car he saw Jay coming down the block, running.

“Carlos!” he called, and Carlos lifted a hand in a wave at him. “You forgot this,” Jay said, skidding to a halt in front of Carlos and shoving something into his hand. The wooden dog statue.

“Oh- thanks,” Carlos said, genuine. “That would’ve really sucked if I had forgotten this, I can’t wait to show it to Dude.”

“Too bad he can’t talk anymore, huh?” Jay said, grinning.

“Yeah, no,” Carlos smiled. “I don’t think I’ll ever miss that.”

“Um, about last night,” Jay said, but his words fell flat there. Carlos didn’t know what to say about last night.

“The food was really good,” Carlos said. “You should come up and make it for everyone at Evie’s sometime.”

Jay looked helplessly at him, but Carlos didn’t know what he wanted him to say. So Jay just said, “yeah, maybe I will.” Carlos nodded. “You drive safely, okay? I’ll see you soon?” Carlos nodded again.

“Yeah, see you soon,” he said, getting into his car and driving back up the street, over the bridge, and back to Evie’s cottage.

-

When Carlos arrived back at Evie’s in the afternoon, he’d already missed his teleinterview for the day. He’d heard the phone ring in the car, and just ignored it. It was a position out in Grimmsville, they wouldn’t have offered it to him anyway. Carlos was convinced these people only set up phone interviews to torture him. Like this was their payback for his mother trying to kill those puppies.

Evie was sitting on the couch hand sewing a hem while watching something on Netflix.

“Oh, hey, Carlos!” she said. “How was it?”

And Carlos wanted to lie, to tell her it was fine, the food was great, and he helped his mom with some chores. He wanted to go and hide his cigarettes under his mattress and lie down, staring at the ceiling, try to feel nothing, to become nothing. Or take them out to the garden and smoke a couple more. He didn’t do any of that, though, because Evie had an earnest and open look on her face and she told him she’d be there for him if he’d just stop keeping so many secrets. So he told her the truth.

“Jay and I kissed,” Carlos said, and Evie’s face lit up, bright and happy. And Carlos shook his head. “No, it’s not. It’s not a good thing,” Carlos said, voice choked up.

Evie frowned. “Why not?”

“Because—it’s not right!” Carlos said. “I can’t—it’s just not right.”

“Because you’re gay?” Evie asked, confused.

“No-not because of that,” Carlos sat down next to her, heavy and deflated and frustrated. 

“Then why?” Evie asked. She paused the TV and gave Carlos her full attention.

“Because I’m not a good person, Evie. I lied to Jane for years and she’s alone because of me,” Carlos said. “I wasted her time, years of her life, and then I just leave her and I’m kissing Jay right after? I’m a bad person, Evie. I can’t put that on Jay, too.” 

Evie frowned at him. “Carlos, that’s not true.”

“How? Evie, how is that not true?”

“It’s been weeks, Carlos, you deserve-“

“To be happy, I know,” Carlos bit out, bitter. He stood up, looking away from her. “But I don’t, can’t you see that? It’s game over for me.”

Evie shook her head, denying it, but Carlos knew. He knew, he’d always known. He wasn’t built to be loved, not by his mother and some man she surely didn’t love. He wasn’t raised for happiness, either, no matter how much he’d selfishly tried to take it from everyone around him. The truth of this stayed with him even after the isle, a dark cloud over him. He wasn’t cursed to this life because of the isle, or his sexuality, it was just because of himself, because of who he was. He knew who he was, his place, his worth. He was just a bad person.

“Carlos...” Evie said.

Evie, Mal, and Jay tried to change it, but it didn’t work. No amount of pillows or blankets or kisses could change the truth. He was worthless, useless, unendingly selfish and cruel just in existing and taking up space. Carlos couldn’t hear whatever Evie was trying to say, blood rushing in his ears. A part of him dully registered that he was on the verge of an anxiety attack. Carlos turned and left the living room, heart pounding, Evie calling after him.

He lay in his room, with the door locked, arm over his eyes, shaking. He tried to get control over his breathing. He had a headache and craved a cigarette. But he still wouldn’t smoke inside Evie’s castle and he didn’t dare try and sneak out to the lawn then.

After a long time he heard a knock on the door. He sat up in his bed, and it felt a bit like sitting up after lying down in the bath, water falling off of you. Waiting to hear if Evie would leave. He sighed when she didn’t. He got up and opened the door. Evie was leaning on the doorframe, giving him a small, worried smile.

“Can I come in?” she said, and he nodded. She climbed onto the bed and gestured for Carlos to climb in next to her. He did and she pulled him close to her, enveloping him into her arms, and he rested his head on her chest. “Thank you,” she said, running a hand through his hair. “Now tell me about last night.”

“It was really nice,” Carlos said, quiet. “He cooked some food from Agrabah, it was really good. And then he gave me this-“ Carlos pulled the dog trinket from his pocket. “-and I just. I was so overwhelmed, and he was so beautiful. I kissed him.”

Evie nodded into his hair. “And then what?”

“I ran away and smoked two cigarettes on his doorstep,” Carlos sighed. “Then I went to my mom’s and slept. In the morning I pretended it didn’t even happen. He came to Hell Hall and I just acted like we hadn’t done anything out of the ordinary…”

Evie pressed her check against his head and squeezed him. Carlos closed his eyes and leaned into her. He felt so heavy.

“I don’t know how to convince you that you do deserve good things,” she said quietly. “You deserve beautiful romantic dinners with a beautiful boy… You really do, Carlos.”

Carlos was silent against her as she stroked a hand through his hair comfortingly.


	5. five

Carlos got Jane jewelry every year for her birthday. He always fretted for months and months in advance before buying her something two weeks before the day. With her birthday fast approaching, only a few days later, he found himself in a jewelry store not too far from Evie’s. He had to return the ring, anyway.

He scanned all the necklaces and bracelets before finding a gold bracelet with little blue gems all around it. He usually got her silver but that year things were already different, but it suited her. He bought it, and Evie looked at him in surprise when he got home.

“I thought you were just returning the ring?” she said, eyeing the small blue bag.

“Jane’s birthday party is in two days,” Carlos had said simply.

Evie stared at him before she just nodded.

The party was in Carlos and Jane’s lawn, he and Jane has started planning it months earlier, and he supposed her mother probably took over after he left. It was a tea party, the weather was mild and everyone was nicely dressed. It was the exact ideal conditions they had planned for. While Carlos, Evie, and Doug had arrived on time, Lonnie, Audrey, and a few other guests were already there. A girl sitting close to Jane, one of Ariel’s daughters that Carlos didn’t really know, looked at them in surprise. She whispered something to Jane and Jane looked over and smiled. She caught Carlos’s eye and they smiled at each other, it was a little awkward. They hadn’t talked much since the last time they’d seen each other and she’d cried.

“Hey guys!” Jane said, heading over to them. Lonnie looked up from where she was showing Audrey something on her phone, she said something to her before she headed over to greet them as well.

Evie gave Jane a hug, told her she looked great. Carlos held his breath as she turned to him, it really was awkward. Should he hug her? He didn’t know.

She went in for one, anyway. “It’s nice to see you,” she said. Carlos wrapped his arms around her and gave her a quick squeeze.

“You too,” he said. He pulled back and looked at her, she looked a lot better than the last time he saw her at least. “The lawn looks great, by the way. Exactly how I imagined.”

Jane smiled at him, and then a few more of her friends arrived and she apologized before excusing herself and running over to greet them as well.

“Hey, Lonnie,” Carlos said, turning his attention to her now. She was talking fashion with Evie, asking her about her dress. She turned to Carlos and pulled him into a hug, then. Bone crushing as always from her.

“So glad you showed up, when I heard about- you know, I got worried it meant you wouldn’t be here!” she said.

“Where did you hear about... You know?” Carlos said, wary but not unkind, as he pulled away.

“Audrey,” Lonnie said. “And who knows her sources.” She seemed in a good mood, motioning to Audrey, who waved at her.

“Ah, yeah,” Carlos said. “She knew before even Jay.”

“You didn’t tell Jay straight away?” Lonnie asked.

“Um, no,” Carlos said. Lonnie seemed to think on it for a second then nodded.

“I guess I can see that,” she said. “Is he coming today? I know he’s got everything going on with his dad, but...”

“Last I heard he was,” Evie said. “He texted me last night about what ‘garden attire’ was.”

Lonnie laughed. “God, I miss him,” she said. “I haven’t seen him in ages.” She looked over Carlos’s shoulder and smiled in surprise. “And speak of the devil!”

Carlos looked behind him and saw Jay entering the garden, a gift box under his arm. Jane gave him a hello hug, still talking to her friends nearby the garden gate.

“Jay!” Lonnie called. Jay looked over and grinned.

“Lonnie!” he said, jogging over to them. He set the gift on the ground so he could scoop his friend up in a hug as she laughed.

“It’s been too fucking long,” he said, and he looked so happy that Carlos couldn’t help but grin as well. “Sorry I didn’t come to see you last time I was in Auradon.”

“It’s fine, is your dad doing well?”

“As well as he has been,” Jay said, but his smile faltered and he let Lonnie go. Evie took her place, holding Jay close.

“You doing okay?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Jay said. When Evie stepped away from him he looked at Carlos, who offered an attempt at a casual smile.

“Hey,” he said, and Jay nodded, returning the smile in turn.

Audrey approached the group, closely followed by Chad.

“Jay!” Audrey said. “How are you doing?” she asked, Chad nodding along beside her, arm around her waist. The two had continued their on-and-off thing through college, together then with others than together then so on and so forth. Carlos had stopped tracking their relationship.

“Fine,” Jay said, somewhat awkward.

“Let’s go play some croquet,” Lonnie said, cutting off any more opportunity for mite awkwardness. Carlos was relieved, he didn’t trust Audrey to not say something uncouth. Lonnie grabbed Jay by the arm and dragged him towards the little game set-up Carlos and Jane had planned months earlier. 

“Sounds fun!” Audrey chirped, undeterred as she walked briskly with the two of them, Chad on her heels. Carlos looked to Evie who rolled her eyes and shrugged, heading towards the game behind them, Carlos and Doug following her.

Lonnie and Jay made up ridiculous rules for the game, and Evie docked Chad points for everything, even sneezing once. It was nice, Carlos decided. Jane was across the lawn, sitting with her friends chatting. Mal and Ben were yet to arrive.

“Ha! I win,” Jay said, after hitting the ball hard through one of the little hoops and sending it flying into the brush. “It’s an automatic win if you can’t find the ball.”

“Fine, I’ll give it to you,” Lonnie laughed, patting Jay on the back. “Hey, have you got any offers from any Tourney teams, yet?” she asked, and Jay shrank a little.

“No,” he said. “At this point I don’t think I will hear from anyone, honestly.”

“It’s early,” Lonnie said, consolidating. “Maybe the managers are giving you some time, since your dad is sick.”

Jay snorted. “I’m sure it’s because of my dad.”

“Clearly,” Audrey said bluntly, causing everyone to look at her. “I mean- you read the papers right? You really caused a splash at the committee meeting, article after article slamming you as some sort of villain sympathizer.”

“Not written by you, of course?” Evie said, frowning. Audrey wrote for some sort of tabloid-y paper, after graduating early the winter before.

“Of course not!” Audrey said. “Mal’s dad saved my life, it would be outlandishly hypocritical of me to not support you guys and your parents!” Evie nodded slowly. “I just understand where they are getting the idea from.”

“My dad is really sick, Audrey,” Jay said, frowning. He tapped the ground nervously with his croquet mallet. “I just care about his health right now. I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure he gets better.”

Chad cut in now, “I guess we all just thought you hated your parents? Weren’t they awful?”

“My dad wasn’t the best, I mean he was pretty terrible, but I don’t want him to _die_ ,” Jay said, and Lonnie reached out to put a hand on his arm. Carlos looked over and saw Jane was looking in their direction, a worried expression in her face.

“Getting your father pardoned is a bit extreme, though, right?” Doug was saying, suddenly, and Lonnie looked at him in surprised.

“Do not listen to him,” Evie snapped, frowning at her husband, and Carlos remembered how the two had been fighting a lot the past few days. He hadn’t directly seen her express anything negative towards Doug yet, though. “Doug doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

“We should look at both sides of the situation, though,” Doug insisted, looking a bit embarrassed. Evie downright glared at him, now.

“Guys—I think we should stop talking about this, it’s Jane’s day,” Carlos said, glancing over at her again.

Chad snorted. “So _now_ you care about Jane, huh?”

Audrey slapped him on the chest but the damage was done, Carlos looked over at Jane again and saw she was stomping up to the house.

“I’m gonna go talk to her,” Carlos said, hurrying after her.

He found Jane pacing in the living room. She stopped when she saw him, eyes wide and upset.

“I’m sorry about that,” Carlos said. “I shouldn’t of let that conversation get out of hand.”

“No, it’s fine,” Jane said. “I just—I didn’t think I’d be turning twenty-two and still hearing Chad’s... Bullshit!” Jane stopped her foot, and Carlos offered her a weak smile. Jane didn’t swear all that often.

“Me neither,” he said, stepping closer to her. “He’s an idiot, though, I’ve always cared about you, Jane.”

Jane sat down on the couch, Carlos sat next to her. He reached out and put an arm around her, hesitantly, and was relieved when she leaned into the touch.

“Thanks,” she said with a sigh. “It feels like everything has changed but at the same time nothing that I wanted to change has changed at all. Everything’s equally terrible as it has always been.” She rest her head on Carlos’s shoulder.

“I know what you mean,” Carlos sighed. “I want things to go back to normal, but I don’t even know what that means anymore.”

“I feel like I wasted the last six years of your life,” Jane confessed, quietly. “But I miss you.”

Carlos pulled away and looked at her in confusion. “I’m pretty sure that’s my line, Jane. You could’ve been spending that time with someone who could really… Want you, like that. Who could really love you in that way but I just took that from you.”

Jane smiled, small and sad. “And what about you, Carlos? You gave me so much, when you could’ve been out there finding someone to be happy with, too!”

“I was happy with you,” Carlos said.

“I know, but not in the way you deserve,” Jane said. “Not in the fairy tale romance way like all of our friends…”

Carlos nodded despite himself. He thought of his dinner with Jay.

“I want to be friends,” Jane said.

“Me too,” Carlos said. “I miss being friends, I miss just talking to you. I miss planning things and studying and just... I miss you.”

Jane smiled. “I’m really glad you’re here,” she said, reaching out and grabbing Carlos’s hand. She looked genuinely happy, which he didn’t get. After everything she still wanted to be around him? “And I’ll surely need help studying this fall, I’m so nervous about senior year! I have to do my student teaching, and I really can’t do that without you by my side. For support.”

Carlos squeezed her hands. “I’ll be there,” he said.

“Oh—also,” Jane reached out onto the coffee table and grabbed a paper, she handed it to Carlos. “My mom emailed me this—and I guess I printed it,” she laughed at herself as Carlos looked at the paper. “There’s a small vet clinic out in the Summerlands, she put in a good word for you and,” Jane pulled another paper from the coffee table and handed it to Carlos, “she wrote a letter of recommendation just for them, so use that one.”

Carlos looked at the paper, the first one was mostly contact information, and the second was the aforementioned letter.

“Just email them, they don’t usually take interns, it’s really small, but my mom says it’s a good bet,” Jane had that sparkle in her eye, the one she got when she was really excited.

“Really?” Was all Carlos could say, looking from the papers to Jane and back. “Thank you-your mom didn’t have to.” Jane shrugged.

“We care about you,” Jane said, and Carlos didn’t know what to say to that at all. He almost didn’t want to go back out onto the lawn, tempted to ask Jane if she just wanted to sit inside and watch romcoms like they used to.

But it wasn’t like it used to be, and they went back out onto the lawn.

-

Evie visited her mom at least once a month. She piled into her car, with bags of gifts and a hopeful smile before heading to the Isle. She’d return... Different. Carlos always just saw her as being sad after these visits, but she told him she was happy. Carlos figured she must be able to be equal parts both. After the first one, years ago when the four had all gone back to see their parents, he couldn’t help but be concerned.

Jay had headed over to Jafar’s after seeing to it Cruella behaved during Carlos’s first visit back home, and Carlos had sat on the curb, waiting for Evie to come up the road from her mom’s castle. It had become dark by the time she made her appearance.

He’d jumped up, jogged over to her. When she looked at him with her big brown eyes he saw she was crying, tears rolling shamelessly down her cheeks. He pulled her closer, into her arms.

“That bad?” he’d choked out, terrified of what her mother had done. Evie shook her head, though, gripping onto the back of Carlos’s coat and burying her face in his shoulder.

“No,” she said, gasping a bit. “No- she-“ and she pulled away now, wiping her eyes, smudging her makeup a bit. Carlos still held onto her. “She told me I was beautiful and she was so, so proud of me.” And Evie had begun to cry a fresh round of tears. “She’s happy to have her magic mirror back,” Evie sobbed. “She said she missed him, and she missed me-“ Evie had to sit down now, she was crying so hard. “I just left her here, Carlos!” she sobbed. “And she’s so proud of me!” Carlos held his best friend close, sitting beside her. 

When she finally stopped crying and looked at Carlos she had a fire in her eye. “I’m gonna get her out of here. I’ll get a big castle-and she can live in it, in Auradon.”

“That sounds great, Evie,” Carlos said. He was in awe a bit, at Evie’s capacity to care about a mother who had failed her so much.

Evie smiled at him and nodded, wiping her eyes again. “How was seeing Cruella?”

And Carlos had just shrugged. “I don’t know.” Evie nodded, sad. “She said my outfit was tacky, so. That’s on you.” Carlos gave her a grin and she shook her head, a small smile playing on her lips.

And she went back the next week, with some of Auradon’s most current beauty supplies as presents to her mom, and then the next month with fabric, planning to spend the week making gowns with her mother, gems followed the next month. She always came back looking like she had the weight of the whole Isle of the Lost on her shoulders, exhausted. Carlos would sit with her in her sewing room, where she’d work and work and he’d be right with her. Following her around and helping her as she worked in designs and dresses with a passion. Whenever Mal was there to help in the aftermath she would just let Evie rest her head in her lap while they watched some fashion design challenge show and Mal ran her fingers through Evie’s hair comfortingly. Evie would fall asleep there, easily. Sometimes Jay showed up and they liked to run together, sometimes in their stupid matching velour tracksuits, which she always come back from breathless and energized.

Carlos didn’t realize until he moved in and heard the fighting that Doug was never there. Not once.

-

Carlos wasn’t surprised when, the day after Jane’s party, he received a group text from Mal to him, Evie, and Jay.

VK reunion at madame medusas. VKS ONLY just the four of us no dates!!!! be there!!!!!!!!

Madame Medusa’s was a bar on the isle, Carlos had only been.... never. But the four of them were long overdue for some quality time spent just the four of them, Jane’s party had made that obvious. Mal and Ben had arrived late, and the energy of the room had never quite recovered from earlier conversation. Mal tried to figure out what had happened, but Evie just brushed her off with a “I’ll tell you later.”

And Mal was putting a date and time on later.

tomorrow 8pm!!

Carlos went to the living room where Evie and Doug were, Doug was watching something on the TV while Evie was looking at her phone. She looked up at Carlos and smiled.

“Guess we’re going out tomorrow night, huh?”

And they did. The next day they packed overnight bags, Evie kissed Doug goodbye but it was short and clipped. Carlos watched as he gave Dude some good-bye scratches behind his ear.

Evie and Doug had been arguing almost every day since Evie had gone to visit her mom the week before. It was silent treatment, then yelling, then either Evie would lock herself in her sewing room or Doug would leave for “the studio.” Carlos tried to ignore it, he’d comfort Evie when he could, but it felt awkward to get involved while he was living there. He wasn’t above texting Mal to make sure Evie was doing ok, though. She’d texted back that Evie wouldn’t really tell her what was going on either.

After they got into the car Evie blasted pop music and Carlos didn’t have a chance to try himself.

They arrived at the bar promptly at 8PM to find Jay already in there, talking to a bartender. As usual, he looked good and Carlos couldn’t help but note it. His hair was down, he looked tired, but he looked good.

“One cosmo, strong!” Evie said, hitting the bar as she sat down next to Jay, who grinned right at her. Carlos sat on the barstool on the other side of Jay, punching his shoulder in greeting.

“What’s got you in the mood for that?” Jay asked as Evie was handed her drink.

“It’s just been a long week,” she said. “Let’s wait for Mal before we start the venting sesh.”

Jay nodded with a laugh and Carlos realized he was already halfway through his drink, a short glass of something brown. The bartender looked at Carlos expectantly.

“Uh, I’ll just have a cola,” he said, and Jay laughed, shaking his head.

“Of course you’d only have the boring vices,” he teased, Evie rolled her eyes behind him.

“Alcohol just tasted bad,” Carlos said, there was a reason he had never been to Medusa’s. He knew other kids from Dragon Hall had, especially Jay, but he never had. No interest in flirting with girls or in getting drunk, which mostly just seemed good at making you sick. It didn’t matter that there wasn’t really an enforced minimum age to get in, he just wasn’t interested.

“Suit yourself,” Jay said, and he downed the rest of his drink before hailing the bartender for another. “Any bets on how late Mal will be this time?”

“Shut up,” came Mal’s voice from behind him as she approached. “I’m barely late.” She smacked Jay lightly on the back of the head with her hand while he laughed.

“Mal!” Evie grabbed her in a hug, as if they hadn’t just seen each other days earlier.

“Uhg, I need this right now,” Mal said, hugging Evie back. When she pulled away she leaned against the bar between Jay and Evie and said, “Okay, because we can’t really just pretend I’m not the queen and the person who is supposed to be fixing all your problems let me get this out of the way- Jay, I am doing everything I can for Jafar. We are talking to doctors and I think we will get an answer on that front by the end of the week. Getting him pardoned... Seems unlikely, but he will be fully protected as a medical patient in Auradon, I’ll settle for nothing less. There will be no funny business.”

Jay frowned but he nodded.

“Carlos, we are working hard to roll out new anti-discrimination rules for job seeking VKs, by the time you graduate, not even the most stuck up pricks in Arendelle will be able to refuse you work for any reason other than your legitimate qualifications not meeting their standards,” Mal said. “Which you know would never happen.” Carlos felt a bit put on the spot but he nodded as well.

“And Evie... Will you please stop trying to be the strong one- that’s my job, just tell us what’s wrong,” Mal threw her arm around Evie who just laughed.

“Let’s get you a drink, Mal,” she said.

“Does this mean those topics are off the table?” Jay asked.

“Of course not,” Mal said as Evie ordered her a vodka martini. “I just wanted to level the playing field a bit- you all know what I know now.” Mal sighed in relief as she received her drink.

“I don’t think we should let Evie off the hook here,” Carlos leaned forward. “What’s up with you lately?”

“Yeah,” Jay said. “Tell us about your hard week?”

Evie sighed into her drink. “Okay, so. Doug and I have been arguing a little bit.”

“Try constantly,” Carlos muttered.

Evie glared at him before continuing. “It’s not that bad!” She insisted, and Carlos just gave her a look that said yes it was that bad. “Listen, okay, we’ve had a really good couple of years money-wise with 4Hearts and his band getting that deal. It’s looking like we’ll be able to move into a bigger castle in the next ten months or so.”

“That just sounds like a good thing?” Jay said, sipping on his drink.

“It is—it is. I found the perfect place, it’s huge and—well,” Evie shrugged, looking at her drink. “It’s got a beautiful second wing, with a second master, a second kitchen… The works. It’s everything my mother and I used to dream about so. I want her to move in if we get it.”

“And Doug isn’t cool with that?” Carlos asked, confused.

“No, he’s not,” Evie said. “He said his family will never come over if we do that- but it’s always been my plan, from the beginning! That I’d get her out of here, that I’d bring her with me. He just keeps shooting me down and telling me this is an awful idea for this and that reason…”

Jay nodded and Mal squeezed her shoulder.

“He just doesn’t get it,” Evie said.

“No one does,” Jay sighed. “They really expect us to just not care about them.”

“Ironic, right?” Mal said. “That caring about the people who raised us to live heartlessly is what’s getting us in trouble.”

Jay nodded before downing the rest of his drink and calling for another. “Has Doug met with your mom a lot?” he asked. “I get that he’s probably, like, scared. Since he probably grew up really close to all the stories of her killing Snow White and everything. Snow is basically like his aunt, right? So he just needs to get to know the Evil Queen for who she really is, now. You know, just kind of… A mom.”

Evie let out a frustrated sigh. “That’s the problem, he won’t come with me to visit her, and I don’t know… I don’t want to invite her over there just to send her back… I get that he’s scared, I just wish he’d put more effort into getting over it? Like, he knows how much I care about her.”

Jay nodded.

“Does anyone have any happy news?” Mal asked, patting Evie on the shoulder.

“Oh—Carlos got a, like, actual interview!” Evie said, and they all turned towards him.

“Oh, yeah,” Carlos said, smiling shyly. “Fairy Godmother put in a good word for me at a vet's office in the Summerlands. I sent them an email and they asked me to come in next week.”

“That’s awesome, Carlos,” Mal said, and Jay gave his shoulder a squeeze in congratulations. He smiled at them.

“I just hope it’s not another dead end,” he said. “It’s almost July.”

“I’ll miss having you around the house, though,” Evie pouted. “It’ll be boring without you.”

“Not once your mom moves in,” Carlos offered and Evie laughed.

“I guess, yeah, that’ll be a whole new adventure,” and she seemed a lot lighter now. They all did, Carlos realized, talking and laughing and complaining together. It felt good to be on their old stomping grounds together, the pressures of Auradon off their shoulders as Mal ordered a round of shots for them all.

He tried to decline the shot but Mal glared at him until he conceded. This was the isle, where peer pressure was only encouraged. The shot burned his throat but he felt lighter afterwards, it was good.

“I wanna dance,” Evie whined, pulling on Jay’s arm and he almost fell off his barstool, causing Carlos to realize he had no idea how many drinks Jay had had so far, he’d completely lost count. He reached out to steady him.

“Hey—you good?” Carlos asked despite the fact that Jay was laughing as he ran his hand through his hair and steadied himself. “How many drinks have you had?”

“What did I tell you,” Jay laughed as Evie dragged him away. “You can’t keep all the reckless self destruction to yourself, C.” He winked and the two made their way into the bar’s makeshift dance floor. Mal frowned after them then shook her head.

“It’s not the night for any of that,” she said, sighing when Carlos gave her a worried look. “We’re gonna have fun, okay? Want another shot?”

“No thanks,” Carlos said, his head was already swimming but he still felt tension under his skin. “I’ll, uh, be right back.” 

“Going out for a smoke?” Mal asked, and Carlos nodded guiltily. She shrugged. “This is the isle, I guess. I’ll come with.”

And she did, they stood outside together while he smoke and she nursed her second drink of the night beside him. People walked by and didn’t look twice at them. Mal was dressed as evil as ever, leather pants with a biker vest and scuffed up old boots, her hair messy in that perfect way that wasn’t too perfect. Carlos’s hair was frizzy as always and he had his usual leather jacket thrown over an old and distressed charcoal crew neck, while the humid weather had him wearing black shorts. Add in the cigarette in his hand and you could tell he was born there.

The only people who stared were the few young Auradon tourists who were enjoying the isle’s nightlife. The isle didn’t have the best tourist scene, but adventurous college students from Auradon sometimes found themselves overwhelmed with curiosity for the infamous patch of land and made plans for a day or weekend trip. Luckily they were far and few between, and Mal freely glared at them when they dared to stare. Carlos wondered if they even recognized her as their queen.

Carlos lit a second cigarette, needlessly anxious, and Mal sighed.

“Look, Evie is always telling me I am overstepping over this but—I heard about you and Jay’s romantic dinner, he told me about it. That you guys kissed or whatever… I just—why won’t you just let yourself be happy?” Mal asked. Carlos stared at the cigarette in his hand and shrugged. He didn’t feel like lying to Mal, she saw through him too easily, anyway.

“I dunno,” he said. “I just think I’m not made to be happy. I don’t know how to.”

Mal pressed her shoulder to his. “Of course I know how that feels but... You’re wrong and I don’t know, I feel like the rest of us got over that in high school.” Carlos shrugged and Mal looked defeated, leaning against the wall and looking up at the sky. The stars were visible, now, without the barrier and it’s gloom. “I just keep asking myself—did I do something wrong? Why is Carlos so...” Mal chuckles, interrupting herself. “Sorry,” she said, looking at him now, “I’m a bit of a lightweight these days, nothing harder than champagne in the royal castle and all.”

Carlos stared at her, though.

“It’s got nothing to do with you,” he said.

“I know, I know,” Mal said. “But you’re my friend, and I feel like I should’ve been there for you more. I guess I just thought you fit in so well in Auradon, you never had that fire of true evil in your eyes. Then, too late, I realized you were struggling like the rest of us.”

Carlos was used to Mal seeing through all of his walls, and he’d seen hers come down before, but he’d never seen her like this. Frayed, sad, guilt ridden and anxious over him. He didn’t know what to say, so he stomped out his cigarette and pulled her in for a hug.

“I’m okay, Mal,” he said. “Really, I... Thank you.” He pulled away and looked her in the eye. “You did help me—I ended it with Jane because of what you said. You really woke me up to the truth, and that’s the first step, right?” Mal smiled at him.

“Right,” she said. “I love you, Carlos. We all do.” Carlos nodded, smiling.

“I know,” he said. Because he did.

-

In the bar, Jay and Evie were ordering another round of shots. Carlos begged to not be included in this round and Evie conceded, to a round of boo’s from Mal and Jay. They ordered loaded tater tots and by 10PM the bar began to get crowded. They’d moved from taking three barstools to just two, Carlos and Evie sitting while Mal leaned against the bar and Jay leaned against Carlos, arm around his waist. Under his jacket, playing with the seam of Carlos’s shirt. They’d always been comfortable with each other, physically, Carlos reasoned.

“Let’s dance,” Jay breathed into Carlos’s ear, sending a jolt down his spine.

“Absolutely not,” Carlos said, laughing. “One shot isn’t enough to get me in that crowd.”

“Have another one, then,” Jay laughed. He tossed his hair over his shoulder and Carlos shook his head.

“No way,” he said.

“Aw, come on,” Evie said, popping the last tater tot into her mouth. “I want all of us to dance together. Let’s do another round.” Even Mal was nodding now, stirring the remains her third drink with a toothpick.

Carlos weighed his options, he really didn’t want to go onto the newly crowded dance floor, but he also didn’t want to sit at the bar alone. He could go out for another cigarette but that didn’t seem appealing either. Jay’s hand on his hip, though... Carlos sighed. “I’ll dance,” he said, and Jay let out a whoop of joy while Evie clapped her hands. She ordered a round of shots, and Carlos took his willingly, needing the liquid courage. Jay kept his hand firmly on the small of Carlos’s back now as he threw his shot back and then led the group to the dance floor.

It wasn’t that Carlos was bad at dancing, and he wouldn’t even call himself shy, it was just. Getting lost in a crowd of bodies and music too loud for his ears to even comprehend didn’t seem fun to him. Mal was clearly the same, shooting him a long suffering look as Evie took both her hands. That made Carlos laugh, though, and she smiled in return. 

Jay pulled Carlos close, then, hands on his hips. Carlos’s heart jumped up into his throat, but he just gave Jay an attempt at a casual smile which made him laugh. His breath smelled of alcohol but Carlos’s head was too cloudy to care. He swayed with Jay, jostled by the dancers around them, so he reached up and held onto Jay’s shoulders. Jay dipped his head down to speak into Carlos’s ear.

“We could have something good, Carlos,” he said. Carlos gripped tighter onto his shoulders.

Carlos shook his head, looking up at Jay. “What makes you think that—that I wouldn’t fuck it up?”

Jay laughed. “Because I’m in love with you,” he said, spinning them with a stumble. “And you’re in love with me, Carlos.”

Carlos’s face burned hot. “You’re drunk,” he said.

“Oh—absolutely,” Jay said, a wide grin on his face. “But I do love you, just ask Mal, she’s been on my case about it since before Auradon. Long before.”

Carlos frowned, but stayed silent. He glanced over at Mal, who laughed as she danced with Evie.

“Do you love me, Carlos?” Jay said, pulling Carlos’s attention back to him. His gaze was focused, determined even through the drink. His hair fell down over his shoulders, a few locks in front of his face. Carlos longed to reach out and push them aside, he longed to pull Jay close again and kiss him. 

But he couldn’t.

“I do,” Carlos confessed. “Fuck, you know I do, Jay. I just don’t know _how_ ,” he said, just as he did to Mal outside. “I don’t know anything.” He shook his head, frizzy curls bouncing. Suddenly the music was too loud, the dance floor was too warm, and Jay’s hands on his hip were too heavy.

“Why won’t you just let this happen?” Jay asked, almost pleading. Carlos was suffocating in his desperation, lungs tight. They were surrounded by people who kept bumping into them, and Jay was an unsteady support. 

Carlos shook his head, quietly repeating “I don’t know.”

He was getting good at running away.

He shoved through the crowd, back to the bar where he quickly ordered another shot of whatever they’d been drinking all night. He downed it quickly as Jay arrived at the bar, grabbing Carlos’s arm.

“Why do you keep doing that? Running away?” Jay asked, his face betraying all the desperation he was feeling in the better lighting near the bar.

“I don’t know!” Carlos said again, feeling a bit desperate himself, running a hand through his hair. His head had quickly gone from cloudy to spinning. “Okay! I want to be with you, of fucking course I do! God, I always have, Jay. But I know I’m gonna ruin it and then—then. I don’t know.”

“Just-“ Jay gave a frustrated sigh. He shook his head and then leveled Carlos with a stare, begging. “Please.”

“I don’t know,” Carlos repeated, like a broken record even as Jay stepped close to him in the packed bar. “I just don’t know how to do this.”

“Lets go slow, then,” Jay said, quiet, leaning on the bar, crowding Carlos’s space. “Let’s learn together.” A hand on Carlos’s arm, his touch burning through the layers of leather and fabric.

Carlos took in a deep breath, shaking. He was overheating, feeling dizzy. “Maybe,” he said, weak because Jay was so close and the shots were reaching Carlos’s head quickly. His world was shrinking to just Jay, Jay, Jay and he was so weak. It was like it had been in Jay’s father’s storefront, where Carlos knew all the reasons he should say no. Felt them, deep in his blood. But his want for Jay, burning in his chest, was quickly winning over them. He reached up, giving in to an impulse, and pushed a lock of hair behind Jay’s ear. His hand lingered there.

“Just tonight, to start,” Jay said. Carlos nodded, feeling hazier with every passing moment, feeling drunker on alcohol and Jay and weakness. The bar was packed now. He didn’t know where Mal and Evie were. Someone jostled by to order a drink, bumping into Carlos and Jay dipped down to meet him in a kiss, which Carlos couldn’t help but melt into, reaching up and wrapping his arms around Jay’s neck. Jay made a possessive sound in the back of his throat, pulling on the front of Carlos’s jacket. Carlos gasped, gone with it, needing more. More Jay.

They went back to Jay’s. Stumbling through the streets of the isle, after waving good bye to the girls at the bar who rolled their eyes at them.

Jay fell back easily against the bedroll in the poorly lit storefront, and Carlos fell just as easily on top of him. His hands in his hair, on his shoulders, his chest. Jay shoving his jacket off, muttering how stupid he was for wearing a jacket in this weather-what happened to all of his vests? Carlos bit him lightly on the jaw in retaliation once the jacket was gone.

Jay was fumbling and bold, touching and kissing every inch of Carlos he could, and Carlos felt greedy, too. He took everything he could, relishing every cloudy, dizzying moment of Jay against him. The alcohol kept the guilt down, made it easier to just focus on how he had Jay, right then and there. He bit at his lips, gasping as the favor was returned. Gripping tight onto Jay’s hair when he kissed down his neck, running his hands up his sides, under his sweater, burning his skin as he touched him.

Carlos felt like he was going to be consumed by the heat of it all. Suffocating under the flames of Jay’s unbridled affection, burning from the inside out with every kiss Jay gave so freely. Carlos didn’t know how he lived without this, as Jay held him by the waist and flipped them over, kissing him deeply, pressing him into the bedroll and making Carlos gasp. He couldn’t live without this, he decided, without Jay being so fully his. They were the only two people in the world, Carlos thought, pulling at Jay, needing him closer. He wouldn’t let go, he decided, even if he was so scared of it. Scared of having Jay and then losing him, scared of living without this now that he knew it.

But he’d just have to find a way to live like this, now.


	6. six

Carlos had a headache when he woke up, so he lit a cigarette. It was an automatic response for him at this point. Have a headache? Smoke. Feel stressed? Smoke. Can’t sleep? Smoke. Think about all the ways he’s fucked up his life and hurt the people he cared about through his selfish mistakes? Smoke. He stayed in bed, though. Sitting up while Jay slept beside him. He tried not to think too much about the night before, his face heating up when he did. He’d checked his phone and opened Snapchat to see Evie had filled her story with what seemed like endless videos and pictures from the night before. Her planting a kiss to Jay’s cheek in the middle of the dance floor, Carlos’s pained expression after his first shot of the night, a shot of him and Mal through the window of the bar, blurry but you could make out the two standing close as Carlos smoked outside and Mal drank. Carlos tapped through them until he got to a very blurry shot of him and Jay by the bar. They might have been kissing in it, you couldn’t tell. He sighed.

Evie had texted him to let her know when they got up, and letting him know that she and Mal were spending the night at her mom’s Castle.

Mal had texted him a crude string of emojis.

Carlos texted Evie back before setting down his phone and looking down at Jay. Maybe it was the slight throbbing of his hangover that wore down on his resolve, but he reached out and brushed Jay’s messy hair from his face, tracing down his cheekbone. Jay’s eyes fluttered and he looked up at Carlos.

“Mm?” he said, sleepy. Carlos pulled his hand away and Jay sat up, rubbing his face with his own hand. He did a quick inventory of his clothing, then, patting his bare chest that made Carlos’s face warm up and rubbing a hand on his thigh, where his pants from the night before remained in place on his body,

Jay looked at Carlos with a look that spoke of disappointment.

“Come on, man,” Carlos said, shoving Jay’s shoulder. “We didn’t have sex.”

Jay groaned, lying back down and covering his eyes with an arm. “A shame,” he said, and Carlos kicked his leg, laughing a little. He barely remembered Jay losing his shirt, his own still on his chest. He did remember dragging his nails against Jay’s back, though, and Jay’s hands dancing underneath Carlos’s shirt, teasing and burning.

“You need some water?” Carlos asked and Jay nodded. Carlos got up and padded to the kitchen where he snubbed out his cigarette butt in the sink. After searching the cupboards for a glass he filled it with water, found he was incredibly thirsty and downed it, before refilling it and bringing it back to Jay. Jay was sitting up now, blearily checking Evie’s Snapchat story, just as Carlos had earlier. He accepted the water gratefully, and Carlos pulled out a second cigarette, lighting it. Jay frowned at him.

“My head hurts,” Carlos explained, taking a drag, and Jay sighed, drinking the water as quickly as Carlos had.

“God, I don’t even remember how much I drank last night,” he said, voice hoarse. “Evie’s story is crazy, though.”

Carlos nodded, and jumped as his phone rang. Jay covered his ears, closing his eyes tight. Carlos answered it, Evie’s own hoarse voice whispering on the other line.

“Carlooooos,” she said. “Oh my god, my head is killing me. How are you?”

“About the same,” Carlos said, kicking Jay lightly to make him scoot over and give him space to sit down next to him. Jay stuck out his tongue at him.

“Come over, Mal is making breakfast,” Evie said. Carlos sighed, rubbing his head. 

“Uhg, can’t you guys come here?” Carlos said. “Jay can make us food.”

“You guys were the ones who decided to leave early,” Evie said. “Maybe we would of had time to coordinate better if you hadn’t been so... eager to leave.” There was a laugh in her voice and Carlos’s face heated up, looking over and seeing Jay pull his shirt back on.

“Fine; we’ll leave soon,” Carlos relented before hanging up in a rush. “We’re going to Evie’s mom’s. Mal is making breakfast, apparently,” he told Jay.

Jay nodded. “Okay, I just have to-“

“Jay?” came a hoarse call from the other room, followed by a squawking repetition from Iago. Carlos hurriedly put out his cigarette on the floorboard, another automatic response.

“-make my dad breakfast,” Jay finished, pushing himself up onto his feet. There was the sound of wings flapping up a ruckus from the kitchen and Carlos looked over to see Iago flying in from the bedroom, followed by Jafar. He looked a little bit better than he did the last time Carlos had seen him.

“Jay,” he rasped.

“I’m comin’, I’m comin’,” Jay said. “Go lie down, I’ll get you breakfast.”

Jafar sniffed a bit before coughing. “You don’t tell me what to do, boy. I’m stretching my legs,” he said. He leaned on the countertop, though. Jay chuckled under his breath.

“Fine, dad,” he said. Carlos watched as Jay put some water on to boil, unsure if he should get up and join them in the kitchen or what. Jafar sat down at the table, though, and spotted Carlos himself.

“Hello,” he said, narrowing his eyes at Carlos. Calculating. “You were here last time...”

“Uh,” was all Carlos could think to say. He looked over at Jay, who shrugged at his dad.

“Yeah,” Jay said, “he was.” And Jafar narrowed his eyes at his son, his mind clearly working over something before coming to a conclusion.

“Oh no, no, no, no,” Jafar said, properly glaring now, looking from Carlos to Jay. “Not de Vil’s boy, Jay. Of all the men in the world?”

And Jay just grinned at his dad and Carlos didn’t know if he should say ‘it’s not like that’ or if it was actually like that. His face was burning hot.

“First you had that prince right there and you let Maleficent’s girl take him, and then from your school full of princes and nobles you decide on the de Vil boy? Where did I go wrong with you?” Jafar complained, shaking his head at his son. “You always let that Mal take the best stuff, I’ve always said this.”

“Glad to see you’re feeling so energetic today,” Jay said cheerfully, his father’s words clearly leaving him unaffected. “We’re going to the Evil Queen’s, Evie and Mal are there, I’ll let Maleficent know I’m out so just call her if you need anything.”

Jafar grumbled, coughing. Jay set some warm cereal in front of Jafar, patting him on the back.

“You ready, Carlos?” he said, returning to the storefront. Carlos nodded, pulling on his jacket as he stood up. They put on their shoes, which had been abandoned by the door the night before, and he bid Jafar and awkward farewell that was met with an icy glare.

“He seems to be doing well today,” Carlos muttered as they walked out onto the street, the sun beating down on them.

“A good omen,” Jay said, laughing, putting an arm around Carlos’s shoulder as they walked.

They made their way towards the Evil Queen’s castle, walking close together. Carlos frowned as they passed Hell Hall. Horace was out front watering the lawn for his mom, he gave the boys an odd look. Carlos gave him a sarcastic wave, shaking his head.

“Great,” Carlos hissed as they passed. “Now my mom will know I’m here...”

“You weren’t planning on seeing her?” Jay asked, frowning.

“Not really,” Carlos said. He realized then that he only went to see his mom when he needed something from her, he felt guilty. It wasn’t like she made any effort to see him outside of that, though. “I feel like I’m the only one of us who hasn’t forgiven their parent, now.”

“Our situations are different,” Jay said, shrugging as they approached the Evil Queen’s castle. Jay stopped outside the door, facing Carlos now. “Listen... I meant it when I said we could take this thing slow, one day at a time. I just... Want to know if that’s okay with you. To do this.”

Jay’s eyes were earnest, and his hair was messy. Carlos wanted to do this, he wanted all of it. He still felt so scared, so scared and guilty and scared. But Jay was right there, standing in front of him with his earnest expression and open heart, his endless affection and his boundless... Love. Carlos wanted to return it all, he was so scared he couldn’t but he suddenly felt brave enough to try. Carlos put a hand on Jay’s shoulder and stood up on his tip toes to meet Jay in a soft kiss. Jay exhaled, bringing a hand up to touch Carlos’s cheek.

“Yeah?” he asked, and Carlos nodded as he pulled away.

“Let’s do this,” he said.

-

Evie let them in after a quick text to her. She had a wide grin on her face, wearing sweats with her hair pulled back in a ponytail. Carlos realized then that he’d never been inside the Evil Queen’s castle, he’d grown up so close to it that he was very familiar with its imposing silhouette but the inside remained a mystery. It was fairly standard as far as the decrepit old buildings on the island, looking desperately in need of some good upkeep, but how could one woman tend to the whole thing herself?

The kitchen was in much better shape, looking fairly clean and Carlos noticed it had new appliances. Mal was on the phone, pacing back and forth.

“-Wasn’t smoking, and even if I was it’s not illegal here,” she was saying. “Oh my god, I am just visiting my hometown, it’s not some sort of scandal. Listen- no- I’m on vacation, okay? I’m hanging up.” She hung up her phone and slammed it on the countertop.

“Uh, who was that?” Jay asked, walking up to her. She ran a hand through her hair.

“Lumiere,” she said. “As I’m sure you guys saw, Evie was a bit snap-happy last night and apparently Lumiere is convinced its a PR disaster.”

Evie sighed. “Sorry, Mal, I didn’t expect it to be that big a deal, I kind of thought no one used Snapchat anymore.”

“It’s fine,” Mal said, sighing. “I’ll deal with it when I get home. Anyway—breakfast. You boys are on apple peeling duty.”

She announced she was making apple-cinnamon pancakes and set Jay and Carlos up with a bowl full of apples to be peeled. Evie was playing pop music on her phone, and they fell into an easy rhythm of conversation.

“So, the elephant in the room,” Evie said, doing a little twirl to the music. “You guys left early last night, huh?” She raised her eyebrows at them suggestively.

Carlos glared at her and Jay laughed.

“We did,” he said. “What of it?”

“Come on,” Evie said, slinging an arm over his shoulder. “I just want you to say it- you guys hooked up! Is it a thing going on here, now?” She waved a finger between Jay and Carlos. Carlos rolled his eyes.

“Maybe,” Jay said, as Carlos said, “Yeah.” 

Jay laughed, looking at Carlos with an almost shocked expression, grinning wide. “I guess yeah then, it’s a thing.”

Mal looked at both of them in surprise, but soon wore her signature smirk before returning to mixing the pancake batter.

“Kind of thought you’d continue denying it,” she said. “After so long it feels wrong to just hear it out there.”

“Yeah,” Carlos said, smirking. “Jay told me he’s been pining over me to you since Dragon Hall?” Jay punched Carlos’s shoulder.

“Romance,” Evie said, dreamily. And that was that for that conversation, it left Carlos feeling both scared and also excited. Him and Jay were a Thing now, and everyone in the room knew it. It had only been less than an hour since he’d agreed to it but somehow Carlos was surprised that nothing had gone wrong yet.

The Evil Queen made a short appearance in her kitchen as the pancakes were cooking. Evie greeted her with an excited “mommy!” and a big hug. The Evil Queen smiled easily at her daughter, doting on her as she poured herself a cup of coffee from the nice coffeemaker on the counter. She greeted the rest of them kindly enough. Carlos always thought she was the hardest of all their parents to see as a villain, she didn’t seem like the type of person to be a murderer. She’d mostly just seemed like an overbearing pageant mom, which there was no shortage of in Auradon, he’d learned. He supposed they had never once poisoned anyone, though. She looked well, though, Carlos noted.

“Oh,” she said before she left the kitchen. “Jay, dear, how is your father doing?”

“Better today,” Jay said. “Had the energy to give me a good talking to over my relationship choices this morning, so he’s doing pretty well right now.”

She laughed at that and turned to Carlos. “Carlos, tell you’re mother to not be so shy and come out of that house sometime and visit me.”

“Sure,” Carlos said, and the Evil Queen bid her farewell and left the room. Evie smiled after her, with that equal parts sad and happy expression she always had after interactions with her mom.

“I can’t wait to get her out of here,” she said, quietly. “This old castle isn’t good for her.”

“She looks well, though,” Carlos offered, and Evie smiled at him in return.

When the pancakes were done they all just ate them dry directly from the tray Mal had placed them on after Evie realized her mom didn’t have any pancake syrup. It was a nice morning. Mal teased Jay over the hickeys on his neck, asking him if he’d been attacked by a dog, earning a slap on the arm from Carlos. Evie complained about how Mal’s hair was long overdue for a trim and offered to give her one right there, to which Mal gave a strong refusal. Carlos stole Evie’s phone and took a bunch of snaps of them, smiling in the surprisingly well lit kitchen. 

They stayed through the afternoon, moving into Evie’s old bedroom where they found an old monopoly board game that was missing multiple pieces but still perfectly playable so they did. Until Mal kicked over the board after landing on one of Jay’s yellow places with a hotel on it. That’s when they realized it was well into the evening already.

“Guess it’s time to go, huh?” Mal said. Carlos nodded.

“Do you ever wonder what it would be like if we hadn’t left the isle in the first place?” Evie said, sighing and picking at the worn comforter on her bed. “If we just... finished school at Dragon Hall and grew up here.”

“Yeah,” Jay said. “It’s hard to imagine, though…” Carlos just stared. Mal gave Evie a squeeze on her shoulder.

“Things are gonna be okay for us,” she said, and then looked at everyone. “Because we’re rotten...”

“To the core,” the other three recited, smiling at her.

“So we’ve got this,” Mal clapped Jay on the shoulder.

-

“Do you think you can fall out of True Love?” Evie asked. They were driving back to her castle, she hadn’t turned on any music at all when they’d got into the car so Carlos had known she wanted to talk about something. But she’d been silent for the first hour of the car trip, and Carlos didn’t know how to initiate it.

“I don’t know,” he said, frowning. “Do you think you’re not in love with Doug anymore?”

“No—no,” Evie said, gripping tight onto the steering wheel. She sighed. “I don’t know. I mean, I know I love him, and I want to be with him, I just... It feels like we don’t fit right, anymore.”

Carlos nodded, hesitant. “Relationships are hard, right? If you and Doug really love each other then you’ll make it through this—and considering you already know it’s true love... It’ll turn out fine.”

Evie bit her lip. “I guess I just felt like I’d be at happily ever after by now,” she said. “That things would just be so easy now that I was successful and in love, everything else would just fall into place without all this resistance.”

Carlos nodded. “Feels like we’ll be struggling forever, huh?”

-

Jay called Carlos the next day. “Mal did it, my dad’s gonna be admitted to a hospital in Auradon City tomorrow.”

“Jay!” Carlos said, grinning. “Congrats!”

“She was right, though, she said they can’t pardon him,” Jay sounded a bit bitter.

“But as long as he’s able to get treatment, that’s good, right?”

“I don’t know,” Jay said. “I just-“ He took a deep breath. “Don’t you think they’ve suffered enough, our parents?”

Carlos was surprised to hear the frustration in Jay’s voice. “What do you mean?” he asked.

“I mean King Beast brought them back from the dead, or back from the prisons they were already in just to torture them for twenty-five years. Now, even without the barrier they still can’t just live as normal people. My dad can’t go home.” He sighed. “I mean, Fairy Godmother took away their magic, mostly. So what can they even get up to? They’re all just old now, I don’t think my dad has any more spectacular evil in him even if he was still the world’s greatest sorcerer.”

Carlos was silent, unsure of what to say. “You’re right,” he settled on. “No one in Auradon is going to see it like that, though.”

“Yeah,” Jay sighed. “I just wish Mal would just pardon him herself, she could do it.”

“It’s not that easy,” Carlos reasoned. “She has a lot on her plate keeping the whole kingdom at ease with everything. She can’t risk losing credibility.”

“I know,” Jay said. “I know...”

Carlos hesitated. “Have you had any offers from any tourney teams, yet?”

Jay was silent. “A couple,” he admitted. “Not very good ones, though... Pretty much only the worst teams in the league.”

“Well, maybe you’re exactly what will turn them around,” Carlos said, optimistic. Jay laughed on the other line.

“Maybe,” he said. “I’ll have to accept one of them soon enough, I guess.”

-

Evie and Doug had had a small wedding, held in one of Auradon City’s beautiful rose gardens. Mal and the Evil Queen stood by Evie’s side while Ben and Dopey stood by Doug. Jay and Gil, Carlos and Jane, Dizzy, and just two dwarves, Doc and Happy with Happy’s child, we’re in attendance sat in wooden folding chairs. It was classy and tasteful, Carlos hadn’t questioned how sparsely attended the event was. It suited the couple, while Evie wasn’t known for being understated, Carlos knew she was sentimental and enjoyed small gatherings.

The reception was also held at the garden, everyone seated together at a large round table filled with all of Doug and Evie’s favorite foods and a gorgeous cake in the center, covered in flowers.

Mal had asked Carlos to prepare a toast for Evie and Doug but he didn’t really feel prepared, the paper heavy in his jacket pocket. Jane had squeezed his hand, giving him an encouraging smile after Ben had started the dinner with his own toast, reminiscing over meeting Doug in the sixth grade, with a lot of metaphors relating to music and friendship.

Carlos stood up, clearing his throat. “Evie,” he said. “You are the kindest, most giving, beautiful, smartest and incredible person I have ever met and ever will meet, probably. I’ll never forget the kindness you showed me when we first met, despite everything around us telling us that was the wrong thing to do, because you knew it was the right thing to do.” Carlos smiled at Evie who beamed right back at him. “You always do what’s right, and you care so much about people it’s almost scary. I’m so proud to call you my best friend, to of shared this journey from the isle to Auradon with you and see you grow into princess you’ve always been.

“And now, you’re a queen,” Carlos said. “I have always looked up to you, now even more than ever on this beautiful day. You deserve true love more than anyone else, and you’ve found it in Doug and I couldn’t be happier for you two.” He raised his glass. “To Evie and Doug and true love.” Evie smiled and Carlos sat back down, Jane grinning at him.

Carlos danced with Evie later and she thanked him for his kind words.

“I really thought I’d never get to have true love, once,” she said.

“Yeah?” Carlos asked.

“Yeah, I thought us villain kids were too bad for it, cursed somehow, and even after Mal was with Ben… It seemed unbelievable,” she said. “I’m just so happy with Doug… It’s still unbelievable even as we’re living it,” She shook her head. “We all deserve this.”

Carlos smiled at her and didn’t tell her that he didn’t know if he would ever have true love like her and Doug.

Then Doug cut in and Carlos went to dance with Jane, who helped him forget his worries about true love with her big blue eyes full of affection for him. He held her close and smiled at her in return.

-

Evie left early to do some fabric shopping the morning after another night where she and Dough had been arguing late into nearly the morning hours. When Carlos came into the kitchen to make himself breakfast he saw Doug there, watching Evie leave from the window. He sighed.

“Hey,” Carlos said, and Doug jumped in surprise. He looked at Carlos and Carlos could see how tired he was all over his face. There’d been a lot of late nights if arguing, lately, and they were visibly wearing on him. 

“Oh, hey Carlos,” Doug said. “Good morning.” He yawned and rubbed his eyes and it’s the heels of his hands.

Carlos could tell it was time to get involved. “Let’s chat,” he said to Doug, sitting down at the kitchen table. Doug hesitated but sat down. 

“Okay…” Doug said, nervous.

“You really have to get over your Evil Queen hang ups—that’s Evie’s mom,” Carlos said plainly. No reason to beat around the bush.

Doug frowned. “It’s not just a hang up I can get over,” he said. “You didn’t grow up hearing about the Evil Queen the way I did-“

“I did,” Carlos said.

“Yeah, but you were a villain, too,” Doug argued.

“And? I was terrified of the Evil Queen when I was a kid, her and her creepy castle right down the street from me! The only time I wasn’t being scared of her I was being scared of my mom.” Doug frowned.

“Would you let her move in with you, then?”

“I’d do anything for Evie,” Carlos said, truthfully. Doug chewed on his bottom lip and Carlos realized something. “It’s not just being scared... Is it? Is it because your family?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Doug said. “I couldn’t even get all of my uncles, the other dwarves, to come to the wedding because she was there… And I don’t even know why I bothered inviting Aunt Snow.”

Carlos remembered the tiny wedding then, faltering a bit. “That’s...”

“Yeah,” Doug sighed.

“But you did that for her, then,” Carlos said, determined. “I know this is more, but. It’s Evie! You love her. Why won’t you just let her have this, you must have known this is what she’d planned, what she always wanted.”

Doug shook his head. “It’s what the Evil Queen has always wanted.”

“She’s Evie’s mom, Doug,” Carlos said.

“Exactly!” Doug said, as if that was somehow the point that explained all of this and Carlos was feeling a bit lost, now. “You were there, Carlos, come on. You saw how Evie was when she first came here, how she thought she was only worth her looks and nothing else, and you know who’s fault that was. Who did that to her.”

“Her mom...” Carlos said, beginning to understand.

“I can’t let that happen again, I don’t want to live with someone who will tear her down like that all over again,” Doug said. Carlos looked at him in surprise- he wasn’t scared for himself, he was scared for Evie. “She’s come too far, I don’t want that woman to hurt her, and if she moves in then I know that will happen.”

“Have you told Evie this?” Carlos asked, frowning.

Doug shrugged. “I don’t know how…”

“Well, you’re wrong,” Carlos said simply. “Evie’s mom messed up, she did wrong by Evie again and again raising her I know that and Evie knows that too.” Carlos took a deep breath. “But she also loves her. Have you seen the two of them together? You’d almost think they were from here with how they act… Evie worked hard on herself after leaving, on rebuilding what her mom broke down, and now she’s stronger than ever, Doug. She knows her worth, and her mom does too, now.”

Doug frowned. “But Evie’s always so sad when she comes back from visiting her.”

“Because she misses her mom!” Carlos said, exasperated. “Because she feels like she abandoned her behind in her huge decrepit castle all alone to rot.”

Doug sighed, lost for words.

“You have to trust Evie,” Carlos said. “She knows who her mom is, and she knows what she’s doing. She knows what she wants, and she’ll be honest with you. So you should be honest with her, too.”

Doug nodded slowly and Carlos smiled a small, sad smile. “I guess you’re right...”

“Of course I am,” Carlos said. “Now you’ve got a big apology to plan, I’m sure, and I have an interview next week to prepare for.

That night Evie and Doug had a candlelit dinner in the lawn, where Evie smiled and Doug held her and they talked. Evie was smiling the whole time.


	7. seven

Jay was going to stay with Evie while Jafar was in Auradon City, he’d called Carlos to let him know. He was arriving the day before Carlos’s interview. He sounded really nervous.

Carlos tried not to think about it, or else the anxiety would get to him too and he’d find himself in the shrubs smoking.

Carlos had asked if Jay wanted company at the hospital, and he’d said no. So Carlos didn’t show up when the day arrived, neither did Evie, instead they had another fitting for his just-for-fun suit and tried not to dwell on it.

“What reason do we have to be nervous,” Carlos had said, sighing.

“If Jay’s nervous, we’re nervous,” Evie said, letting out a long breath around the pin she held between her teeth. She adjusted the hem of the pants, pinning them in place. “Whatever he’s scare of, we’re scared of. It’s just part of being family.” Carlos nodded, looking past her, to the outside where the sun was setting.

“Oh,” he said, looking at her. “Did things turn out okay with Doug, over everything with your mom?”

Evie smiled at Carlos. “So you did talk to him, then?”

“Yeah,” Carlos admitted with a chuckle. “I needed you guys to stop fighting so I could finally get some sleep at night.”

Evie laughed and shook her head. “Shut up! Or I guess I should be saying thank you. He told me what he was really scared of and I told him he was an idiot.”

Carlos smiled at her, “sounds exactly like my conversation with him.”

They ate dinner together, Doug asked when Jay was arriving and Evie told him she didn’t know when, but that Mal had told her they were still at the hospital running tests an hour ago. It was a quiet dinner, Carlos picked at his food. He checked his phone, nothing from Jay.

Doug and Evie went to bed while Carlos stayed up in the living room, putting a show on the TV while not watching it at all. After a while he turned it off, went outside, smoked, and then showered for the night.

When he got out of the shower, in a worn old tee shirt and shorts, he saw him. Jay stood across the hall, leaning against the wall. He looked tired and worn down. Carlos stepped over to him, quickly, and he pushed himself off from the wall and reached out to Carlos, pulling him into his chest in a hug. Jay let out a long breath into Carlos’s hair.

“You okay?” Carlos asked, and Jay nodded even though he was shaking.

“Yeah, yeah,” he said. “We’re getting back some of the test results tomorrow... They gave him medicine for pain and shit tonight.”

Carlos pulled away and looked up at Jay’s face. He touched his cheek and Jay gave him a weak smile. “What’s wrong?” Carlos asked.

“It’s just... It was a lot, there were a lot of reporters there,” Jay sighed, leaning into Carlos’s touch. “Bullshit, honestly. Just... Overwhelming bullshit.” Carlos pulled Jay’s face down, pressing a tentative kiss to his forehead. Jay sighed, moving his hands up to Carlos’s. He walked them towards Carlos’s room and Carlos followed willingly.

When they got there, door shut behind them, Jay pulled Carlos in close and kissed him, holding onto his face. His kiss was seeking comfort, warmth. Carlos longed to give it to him so he kissed back, hands coming up over his shoulders, holding him in place. Jay’s hand ran through Carlos’s hair while the other grabbed onto his waist as he deepened the kiss. When pulled away to let out a low breath he looked down at Carlos with dark eyes.

“This is good,” he breathed, and Carlos nodded. He pulled Carlos over to the bed, where he lied down and Jay climbed on top of him, resuming their kiss. It was all soft, Jay propped up on his arm next to Carlos’s head, hand playing with his hair as he kissed him. Carlos had his hand on Jay’s chest, the other over Jay’s shoulder, resting on the back his neck. He tried to give Jay all the warmth in his body, feeling him trembling above him. When he pulled away for breath next, Carlos reached out and touched his lip and he smiled. 

“This is really good,” Jay repeated and Carlos smiled up at him, because it was. He couldn’t say he wasn’t scared anymore, but this was about Jay. So he kissed him freely, because that’s what Jay wanted right then. Jay sighed into it, growing lax against Carlos. Carlos rolled them onto their sides, their legs tangling together and hands gripping onto each other.

-

Carlos woke up the next morning to a knock on the door.

“Carlos! We have to get going soon if you’re going to make your interview!” Evie called. Carlos groaned, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. Jay was still knocked out beside him and Carlos couldn’t help but smile down at him even as a part of his brain warned him that this was temporary.

Carlos got out of bed quietly and met Evie at the door, opening it a crack. Of course she immediately looked past him, and despite his best efforts to try and prevent it, saw Jay sleeping in his bed.

“Couldn’t find his own room, huh?” Evie said with a smirk and a giggle and Carlos scowled at her. “Sorry- sorry. Listen, get ready, we can stop for breakfast on the way to the Summerlands.”

“Okay,” Carlos glanced behind himself as Jay rolled over in bed. “You know I can just go to the Summerlands on my own... Maybe you should stay here...”

“Jay’s gonna be at the hospital all day, I think,” Evie said, she frowned, though. “I wish he’d come with us, almost, it’s a madhouse over there.” She lowered her voice now. “Mal told me all about it, reporters just yelling at them and, God, protesters? It’s insanity.”

Carlos sighed, shaking his head. He told Evie he’d be ready soon and went about getting ready, brushing his hair and putting on the interview outfit that Evie had picked out for him. He sat down on the bed to pull on his shoes, which roused Jay from his sleep. He sat up quickly, looking around panicked.

“Good morning?” Carlos said, reaching out to put a hand on Jay’s shoulder. Jay put a hand to his chest and took a few deep breaths, shaking his head.

“Morning,” he said, coughing. “Just had a weird dream.” Carlos gave him a small smile. Jay looked at him for a second before returning it. “Uh, thanks for letting me crash in your room,” he said.

“It was nice,” Carlos said, shrugging as he finished putting on his shoes. “You can rest more, Evie and I are heading out now, we’ll be back tonight.”

“Nah, I should get going, too,” Jay said, standing up and stretching his arms. He walked Carlos to the front door, where Evie was waiting and where he’d left his suitcase the day before. Evie ran up and gave him a big hug when she saw him.

“I thought you’d sleep in-you must’ve got in really late last night!” She said.

“Yeah, I just feel kind of weird about leaving my dad alone there,” Jay said. “Which is also why I’m up so early. Gotta get back to the hospital.” Evie nodded.

“Take care of yourself, too, though. Mal told me it’s not a pretty scene over there.”

With that they said their farewells and Carlos and Evie head out on their way towards the Summerlands, stopping at their favorite nearby diner on the way. Carlos was full of nervous energy but determined not to mess up this interview.

-

Carlos ended up appreciating having Evie with him as moral support for the interview. When they arrived at the quaint log cabin deep in the Summerlands he felt at his limits with anxiety, and Evie’s hand on his shoulder was the only thing keeping him tethered down. A sign outside proudly proclaimed the establishment as the East Summerlands Animal Hospital, and Carlos felt like he was gonna be sick.

“You don’t think this is some sort of cruel prank, right?” He said to Evie.

“Absolutely not, Carlos,” she said. “You’re so qualified for this internship, you know this. It’s going to be okay.” Carlos nodded, but he still felt a bit nauseous.

The two entered the building and a receptionist looked up at them.

“Uh, I’m here for an interview,” Carlos said. The receptionist nodded, looking more annoyed than anything.

“Carlos... de Vil?” she asked, looking down at something.

“Yeah,” Carlos said. The receptionist looked at him for a moment, and Carlos attempted to give a smile even though every fiber of his being was telling him to glare at the kid. The kid shrugged.

“I’ll get the doctor, you guys wait right here.” She got up, brown hair swishing behind her as she walked away.

Carlos and Evie sat down in the little waiting area, Carlos’s knee bouncing nervously enough that Evie put her hand on it to stop him.

“Who is this vet, anyway?” she asked.

“What do you mean?” Carlos asked.

“Everyone’s either someone or the child of someone around here, you know?” Evie said.

“Oh, yeah- it’s-“

“Evie?” Carlos was interrupted by a surprised voice. He looked over to see the vet arriving into the room. “What are you doing here?”

“Sophie!” Evie jumped up, surprised. “I didn’t know you were a vet!” She smiled at the vet, who smiled right back.

Carlos was surprised. “You guys know each other?” He knew Doctor Sophie was the daughter of Snow White, but he hadn’t realized Evie would know her. She was a few years older than them, having already graduated from Auradon Prep well before the VKs had arrived. She’d said in the phone interview that she’d only recently taken over the clinic after graduating college.

Evie looked over her shoulder, “Sophie and I have met at a few family things of Doug’s,” she explained before turning back to Sophie. “I’m kind of Carlos’s moral support today-this is the first interview he’s landed.”

Carlos frowned. “Don’t say that,” he hissed.

“Don’t worry,” Evie said, breezy. “Sophie will give you a fair interview.”

“Actually,” Sophie said. “The job’s basically yours if you want it. Hayley, the daughter of the huntsman, who you already met, would probably love to have the rest of the summer off and Fairy Godmother said you could really use the experience! We don’t work with a lot of domestic pets out here, but as long as you're okay with mostly working with wildlife, I’d love the help from someone who is actually interested in the field.”

“Really?” Carlos said, surprised.

“Yeah,” Sophie beamed. “Let me show you around and we can talk details.”

So they did. Carlos saw that she and Evie got on well, easy in each other’s company. She asked how Doug was doing and Evie asked her how her mother was. Carlos was kind of shocked by the whole situation, how well it was all just. Turning out. After all the struggling at the start of the Summer he felt weird having finally achieved his goal.

At the end of the tour Sophie handed Carlos a folder of paperwork. “Fill all that out and send it back to me, scans are okay through email,” she said. “How does four weeks of work starting the first Monday in July sound? You’ll be back in Auradon City for the start of the school year.”

“That sounds perfect,” Carlos said, taking the folder. “I honestly can’t thank you enough, this is a godsend for me right now.”

“No problem,” Sophie said, shrugging. “I can’t believe nowhere else will give you a chance.”

“It’s the name,” Carlos said with an attempt at a smile.

“A real shame-you’re really qualified,” Sophie said. “Your grades and your letters of recommendation... A real shame about the name, I guess.”

Carlos nodded. He scanned the papers quickly to make sure there wasn’t an issue and Sophie turned to Evie.

“Hey, I heard you’re getting a new castle?” she asked.

Evie beamed in return, giddy. “We’ve started talking to a real estate agent, yes... The summer has us set a bit behind, though. Work flows slowly in these hot months, unfortunately.”

“That’s so exciting, though,” Sophie said. “Owning your own castle? I couldn’t even imagine, and I grew up in one.”

Evie laughed. “Well I grew up in one, too, but the idea of living in one that isn’t falling to pieces... Let’s just say I’m really excited.”

“It’s getting late,” Carlos cut in, realizing the time on the clock that hung on the wall behind the desk.

“Oh! You guys better get back,” Sophie said. “I look forward to seeing you, Carlos, in a couple weeks.” Carlos returned the sentiment and Sophie walked them to the door.

Evie hesitated, though. She stopped and took a deep breath. “Actually, Sophie... I feel like I should tell you, because I know you guys didn’t come to the wedding over it...” Carlos frowned at Evie, why was she bringing up her wedding? “When me and Doug move into our new castle, my mother will also be moving in as well. We’re choosing a place with a second wing just for her.”

Sophie had a look of surprised on her face. “The Evil Queen?” she asked, as if Evie had another mother.

Evie nodded. “The isle isn’t good for her, I want her to be comfortable and it was always my plan since I first came to Auradon to one day bring her here as well. Of course, the means changed, but I still want her here.”

Sophie nodded slowly, seemingly taking the information in. “Okay,” she said. “Is this a secret, or...?”

“No, it’s not a secret. I’d honestly be relieved if you told your mother,” Evie said with a small laugh. “I just thought you should know.”

“Okay,” Sophie said again. “Thank you.” She paused. “I guess- I mean. Mom was reporting on your friend and his dad the other day. Nothing negative- I promise. Just reporting.” Evie nodded. “And we all saw the royal wedding... I guess you can’t help who your parents are and you also can’t help but care about them, huh?”

“Yeah,” Evie said, and she smiled.

“No offense, though, I do hope you don’t bring your mother out here, Carlos,” Sophie said to him, as if suddenly remembering he was present and Carlos wrinkled his nose. The joke was in bad taste but he couldn’t really fault her, he wouldn’t trust his mother around sick animals either.

“My mom doesn’t like coming to Auradon, really,” he said. “Everything she loves is illegal here.”

“Except you, of course,” Sophie laughed, as if it wasn’t even a thought. Carlos bit his lip and nodded.

“Yeah, of course,” he said.

“Enough of this serious talk, I really do look forward to working with you, Carlos,” she said. “And Evie, if you have a castle warming party... Don’t be shy.”

-

They returned home late, stopping on the way for food. Jay was already back, sitting with Doug in the living room watching TV.

“Hey,” Carlos said, sitting down next to Jay. “How’s your dad?”

“They think they know what’s wrong with him,” Jay said. “I think they’re taking their sweet time doing anything about it, though.” He shook his head. “I don’t wanna talk about it-how was your interview?”

“Oh, it was less of an interview, more of a hiring meeting,” Carlos said, grinning.

“Congrats!” Jay said, and he looked so genuinely happy for him, despite the fact that his face showed just how tired he was.

Evie was sitting close with Doug, telling him about seeing Sophie. He was nodding seriously, and smiled when she told him about what she said regarding the Evil Queen moving in. The two excused themselves to bed soon after, leaving Carlos and Jay in the living room alone.

“You should sleep, too,” Carlos said, poking Jay in the side. “You look like shit.”

“Shit?” Jay laughed.

“Yeah, shit,” Carlos said. He pushed himself off the couch. “I’m going out to the garden.” His head was really starting to hurt after not smoking at all that day, he surmised that’s probably what had him so on edge.

“I’ll come,” Jay said.

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to.”

So he did, the two of them sitting out in the bushes, Carlos smoking and Jay playing some mind numbing game on his phone. “How can you sit through all those ads?” Carlos said, and Jay shrugged.

“I don’t really think about them.”

Carlos sighed out a breath of smoke, wishing he had that kind of calm and patience. Then he thought he must be pretty high strung if he was envying Jay of all people in that regard.

Jay went right to Carlos’s room when they came back inside. “Is it okay if I sleep in here again?” he asked.

“Sure,” Carlos said. “I’m going to shower first, though.” Jay nodded before slipping into the room. Carlos took his time in the shower, feeling relaxed for the first time that day. He had done it, he’d found an internship. Things were really looking up. He’d have to start looking for a place to stay next month soon enough as well, he mused. A month in a little cabin in the woods sounded nice...

When Carlos returned to his room, Jay was already asleep in his bed, Dude curled up by his feet. Carlos smiled. He thought of Jay staying with him in a little cabin in the woods, with Dude running around. He thought of coming home from work to a hot dinner made by Jay, and then cuddling by the fireside while Jay played stupid phone games and Carlos read books. Retreating to bed and having endless time and space for kissing and touching... Carlos’s face warmed up and he shook his head.

He crawled into bed next to Jay, who was curled up under the blankets. In response to the disturbance he rolled towards Carlos and blinked up at him, sleepily. Carlos smiled at him and pushed the hair from his face.

“Sleep,” he said, and Jay nodded. He reached out and pulled Carlos towards him, though, and Carlos went to him. Curled up in Jay’s chest, in his warmth. He slept.

-

Carlos called Jane over breakfast, Jay was already gone and Doug and Evie were out shopping.

“You got the job?!” Jane said, giddy.

“I did, all thanks to you and your mom,” Carlos said. “I really really owe you.”

“No, you deserve it, Carlos,” Jane said. “You’ve helped me so many times with school and everything, I’m glad I could do one thing for you, at least.”

Carlos smiled as he took a bite of his toast.

“How’s everything at Evie’s? It’s getting to be a full house there, Jay is staying, too, right?”

“Yeah, it always feels so empty in here after the summer after graduation, though,” Carlos said. “I can’t believe we really just had four teenagers and four kids living here... And you and Doug were always over.”

Jane laughed. “We really thought we were grown ups,” she said.

“Now all the rooms seem so empty,” Carlos said. “No reason to have so many. Jay wont even sleep in his.”

“Why not?” Jane said, and Carlos paused, mid bite of his toast. He was silent just a second too long it seemed. “Oh.”

“Um,” Carlos said.

“No, no,” Jane said. “It’s fine. You and Jay?”

“Kind of,” Carlos said. He could hear a bit of frantic energy in Jane’s voice.

“That’s awesome, Carlos, it really is. I’m happy for you, really.”

“Thanks,” Carlos said, mouth dry. He set down his breakfast, pushing the plate away from him. “It’s really only kind of, right now.”

Jane didn’t say anything, but he could hear her nodding quickly. They both sat in silence, then, and Carlos felt sick.

“I, uh, have to go now,” Jane said, finally. “My mom is coming over.”

“Wait, Jane,” Carlos said. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner- it’s just. It’s new, we’re taking it slow.”

Jane let out a shocked laugh, devoid of humor, and then sucked in a breath, quick, like she hadn’t meant to let that out. “Sorry—it’s just. You just told me you guys were sleeping in the same bed.”

“Well we’ve been friends for years,” Carlos said, a bit defensive. Jane sighed. “We’ve always been close like that.”

“You’re right, you’re right...” Jane sounded a bit lost.

Carlos bit his lip.

“Come by sometime before you leave for your internship,” Jane said, quiet. “I miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” Carlos said, and he meant it.

“I really am happy for you, and Jay,” Jane said. “I just... I really love you.”

“I know,” Carlos said. “I love you, too.”

“Take care, okay? Tell Jay I hope his dad is feeling better soon.” Carlos agreed and then hung up the phone, setting it down in front of him. He ended up leaving it and his breakfast on the table and went outside to smoke.

-

Jay was never forthcoming with his dad’s condition. Whenever he returned to Evie’s Castle he’d give short updates, “they’ve got him on medication,” “he’s going through some sort of therapy treatment thing,” “he walked around the courtyard today.” Just short little snippets. Carlos never really paid attention to the news but he looked up some coverage of the whole thing once, about a week into the hospital visit. It wasn’t pretty, he noted, the coverage including too many uncomfortable closeups of his friend looking upset and tired and frustrated. Boyfriend. Whatever.

Evie asked over dinner once why they couldn’t just magic away Jafar’s sickness.

“Fairy godmother says she thinks its a side effect of our time under the barrier… Or from when they did whatever they did to make them all not. Magical. Whenever they’ve tried to just magic him to health, it’s only lasted a short time before he’s sicker than before,” was Jay’s response.

“Just another way we can’t leave the isle, huh,” Evie had said, and Doug had held her hand, sympathetic.

In Carlos’s bed at night, Jay sought comfort through touch. Holding Carlos close, kissing him until he fell asleep sometimes. Hands sneaking up the back of Carlos’s shirts, gripping into his hair. Breathing in each other’s breath, pressed close together until Jay’s breathing became even in sleep. Carlos would slip out after that, often. To the garden where he’d smoke and try to get over the anxiety that having Jay so completely tended to trigger.

After his breakup he believed his anxiety with Jane was mostly to do with his lack of attraction to her, but now he realized it was more complicated. As he went quickly through his cigarettes, anxious and seeking any relief, he realized how much the pressure of this feeling of being loved just weighed on him. From Jane, from Jay... It seemed to make no difference. He just didn’t seem to know how to process it, his body collapsing underneath the weight of it. Their affection, their attention. Their hands on his waist, their fingers threading through his hair, their lips on his. The way they both grasped at him in desperation, begging him to return everything they gave him while he just took and took so selfishly. 

With Jane he felt the chasm of what he couldn’t give her, the empty hole somewhere inside of him where the type of love she wanted from him should be but just wasn’t. He had nothing for her. 

With Jay he knew it was there, burning up in his chest like a wildfire... But it was locked away for some reason. Contained. Try as Carlos might, he could only seem to give Jay a fraction of what he asked for. Just a taste, while Carlos burned in what remained. Kissing and holding Jay was like trying to say something before realizing at the last moment that he no longer remembered how to use his voice. It was just gone. And he knew the words but he couldn’t use them, couldn’t give them to Jay.

So he chain smoked in the garden, his own fingertips ghosting wherever Jay had kissed. His neck, collar bones, lips. Wishing he could draw the proper inspiration from those to return the sentiment.


	8. eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw; emotional abuse, child abuse  
> summary in end notes.

So Carlos ran through his cigarettes quickly. A week before he was set to move to the Summerlands, a small cottage acquired, he planned to go to his mother’s. Jay offered to go with him, and even though Carlos was confident he wouldn’t attempt to stop him from attaining his actual goal of the trip he said he would be fine alone. 

Because Carlos had decided he would come out to his mother.

She probably wouldn’t care, he decided. Just call it disappointing and ask him to clean the car. Simple enough. Carlos wanted to do it alone just in case his mother wasn’t… All there in the moment and she reacted differently. Try as he might Carlos could never truly predict his mother’s moods.

Jay was still sleeping when he left that morning, but he woke up just enough to pull Carlos down for a kiss before he could go. It was sweet, Carlos thought.

On the bridge Carlos smoked his second to last cigarettes in the car. He didn’t like to smoke in there because he knew the smell would linger but he was nervous about seeing his mother. Especially since she’d know he’d been on the isle and hadn’t seen her. He didn’t really know how she’d react to the fact that he hadn’t visited...

Pulling up to Hell Hall he steeled himself with a deep breath before getting out of the car. Cruella didn’t come to the door when he’d rang it but it was unlocked, which was pretty normal despite Cruella’s paranoia. He figured the maze of bear traps in the fur closet must just be enough to calm his mother’s anxieties. 

Walking into the mansion Carlos found his mother in the living room, lounging on a newer plush couch absentmindedly watching television. Her hand was hanging off the edge of the couch, absently running over the white tiger fur rug she prized. Carlos cleared his throat to announce his arrival and she looked up at him slowly, seeming to take a moment before she recognized him. Not all there, then. She stared at him for a moment longer before recognition dawned and she frowned at him.

“Carlos, my pet,” she said. “Come, sit with your mother.”

Carlos did as she said. She pulled a pack of cigarettes from her pocket.

“Light one for me, darling, and have one yourself, too,” she said. Carlos did as he was told, again. His mother took a deep drag and Carlos couldn’t help but do the same. His mother reached out and touched his cheek. “We’re exactly the same, haven’t you noticed? The spots come from your father, though.” He flinched and she took her hand away. “What do you want?”

“You know what I want,” Carlos frowned. “What do you need done?”

“The car is looking rough,” Cruella said, absently, still staring at Carlos intensely. “And something’s wrong with the plumbing in the upstairs bathroom…” Her voice trailed off. “Why didn’t you come see me last time you were here?” There was ice in her voice.

“I was busy,” Carlos said simply, even as he wilted under the strength of her glare.

“Useless child,” Cruella muttered. She looked away from him, focusing back on the television. Carlos found himself brought back to his childhood, just relieved to have his mother focusing on something other than him so he could have a chance to slip away. He stood up. “I didn’t tell you to leave, did I, pet? Sit. Enjoy a cigarette with your mother.” Carlos did as he was told. Again and again.

He was tired of it, but sometimes he didn’t know how else to act around his mother. He took a deep breath. “I came here to talk, too, actually.”

Cruella glanced at him, annoyed now, as if he hadn’t just demanded he stay. “Carlos, can’t it wait until after my show?”

“No,” Carlos said. He grabbed the remote and turned off the TV.

“You little-“

“Mom, please, listen!” Carlos said. Cruella was very irritated now, in his youth she would have completely lost it, but maybe she had finally mellowed out a bit. She just scowled at him but listened, gritting her teeth but not yelling. Yet.

“I just wanted to tell you that I broke up with Jane because I’m, uh,” he took a deep breath. “Gay.”

Cruella frowned. “Why would you do that?” she said.

“Um, because I wasn’t attracted to her? Or in love with her?” Carlos frowned and Cruella laughed now, throwing her head back.

“Auradon really has ruined you, hasn’t it?” she said, she got another cigarette out and lit it herself this time. “Carlos, you must understand that attraction and love are things only meant to be exploited in others for your own personal gain. How do you think I achieved anything I did? Did they teach you nothing in school?”

“Uh, they did teach me that in school, but it was wrong,” Carlos said. “It’s what got you put here.” Carlos gestured around the dilapidated old mansion.

“Ah, but I still have my pride,” Cruella said, leaning forward to tap Carlos on the nose and smiling to herself. 

“How do you still have your pride?” Carlos asked, incredulous. How could his mother believe she had any pride left?

Cruella laughed again. “Carlos, dear, do you not see them? They are the ones without pride, Maleficent admitting to being _wrong_ in front of _everyone_ at her daughter’s wedding—completely powerless at her daughter’s own hand! The Evil Queen’s daughter married a dwarf, what pride does she have now? She used to be royalty and now she’s mother in law to a dwarf!” Cruella was getting hysterical now, standing up and pacing the room. “Jafar is about to die penniless with nothing but a queer son to kill of his bloodline playing children’s games as a career!” She laughed, turning to Carlos and pointing a cigarette at him. “But we, my pet, we are de Vils! We will not end up like that. We will not fall to things like love and attraction, we will control them in others, and we will be strong. Our bloodline will continue and our name will be revered, _always_!””

Carlos was horrified, staring at his mother as she grinned maniacally at him, breathing heavy. “Mom,” he said, voice cracking. He thought of Maleficent at Mal’s wedding, her simple toast that made Mal beam with joy, he thought of the way they hugged later in the night, Mal looking about ready to burst with happiness at her mom’s acceptance. He thought of the Evil Queen at Evie’s wedding, crying tears of joy for her daughter at the intimate affair; and then in her kitchen asking after everyone’s family, content, as Evie glowed with happiness just being around her mother. He thought of Jay’s grin as Jafar had judged his romantic life choices with no real fire behind it, of Jay’s determination to give his dad the life he couldn’t give him—a good one. Carlos looked at his mother and it hurt. “They’re happy, mom. Mal, Evie, and Jay—they’re happy. That’s their parent’s pride.”

Cruella scoffed.

“You don’t—you don’t even want me to be happy, do you?” Carlos stood up.

“Happy?” Cruella laughed again. “You don’t have children to make them happy, you have children to pass on your name and bloodline.”

“You’re so miserable,” Carlos said, ignoring her. “That you don’t want me to be happy, because you can’t. You let the isle ruin you, or maybe you were already like this before. Fuck, mom, you want me to be as broken and ruined as you, right?”

Cruella crossed her arms, frowning and not saying anything.

“And that’s why I can’t be happy, because I don’t want to let you down,” Carlos was laughing now even though it hurt so fucking bad. “My friends get to try and make their parents proud by buying them castles, by being good rulers, by trying to make things better for them—but all you want from me is for me to be as miserable as you and I do that! I do that for you! I do it every day, drown myself in my own fucking sorrows because _that’s what you want from me_ , and I want to make you proud, mom!” Carlos bit hard on his tongue, closing his eyes tight to avoid crying. He took a deep breath before opening them again. Cruella had the same hard expression on her face, arms crossed. “Do you even love me?”

“How rich!” she barked. “Do you love me, my pet?” She said, through gritted teeth.

“I want to,” Carlos said, his voice shaking. “I want that so badly—if you told me you were sorry and you loved me right now I’d try to forgive you. That’s how badly I want that, mom. I’d try and forgive all the terrible things you’ve done to me if you wanted to, too!”

His mother looked at him with disgust, now, shaking her head. “You don’t know anything about the real world, do you, Carlos?” And Carlos knew there was nothing left to say, then. 

“I’m leaving,” Carlos said, and he turned around to leave.

His mother was quick, across the room with a hand gripping tight onto Carlos’s arm, spinning him back. Carlos wrenched his arm out of her grasp, and she slapped him. A ring caught his cheek, breaking skin. It stung and his ears were ringing for a moment as he stared down at his mother, stunned, his own hand pressed to his cheek now. He was taller than her now, not by a lot but. Taller. She was yelling at him.

“-You ungrateful little boy, yelling at me? For what?” She was saying. Carlos wasn’t a little boy anymore, though. He turned and continued down the hallway. His mom followed after him, yelling incoherently. He went to get in his car. “Don’t you need these?” His mother yelled, brandishing her box of cigarettes. Carlos stopped and stared at her before shaking his head and getting into his car. His mother followed him to the end of the driveway, still screaming her head off. Carlos drove away quickly, having to swerve to avoid a stray cat in the street. When he got to the bridge he pulled over, halting the car. 

He was crying, he realized, his breathing was erratic and he was shaking all over. Tears rolled down his cheek and he screamed, hitting the steering wheel hard again and again and again. He kicked the floor mat and screamed and swore, throwing a whole fit now. Pulling on his hair and trying desperately to take in a good breath. It hurt so much, his chest tight and head pounding. His cheek still stung, and when he wiped away his tears they were tinged pink in his hands from the blood. He stared at it, letting out a shaky breath. It really hurt.

-

Carlos was seven years old, sitting on the edge of the bathtub in the bathroom, his mother in front of him dabbing a cotton ball on his cheek. Some boys from school had cornered him on his walk home and beat him up for no reason. This was the isle, there never needed to be a real reason. Cruella tsk’d at him as she cleaned the cut on his cheek.

“It’s because you’re smaller than all the other boys,” she said, as if that was a real reason. “Why weren’t Harold and Jason with you?”

“They don’t like hanging out with me,” Carlos had said.

“Then you make them,” Cruella leveled her son with a steely look before getting a bandaid for his cut. “They’re your minions, they don’t have to like spending time with you, they just have to do it because you’re a de Vil.”

Carlos nodded obediently as she put the bandaid on, carefully. Lovingly, his mind supplied.

“There you go, my pet,” she said, patting his cheek lightly. “Now don’t let it happen again.”

She sent Carlos on his way to take care of dinner. He couldn’t stop touching the bandaid on his cheek, though. It made him feel warm inside, smiling to himself as he worked.

The next morning Harry and Jace were waiting for Carlos right outside of Hell Hall. Harry had a black eye, which Carlos knew meant his mother had yelled at their fathers and so their fathers had turned her anger back onto them. Carlos wasn’t taught to care about how his actions might have negative consequences on other people, or to care about how other’s might be feeling in general. So he didn’t. He knew that some people’s parents didn’t love them, hurt them, and it had nothing to do with him. He selfishly held his head high, knowing his mother must love him because she’d taken care of him when he was hurt. She’d made sure he wouldn’t be hurt again, too, at Harry’s expense. His suffering was just another sign of Cruella’s love for her son, he thought. So he led the way to school, hand touching his cheek again.

Two days later he dropped a glass of wine he was trying to hand to his mother and she slapped him across the face. The cut on his cheek reopened and she ignored him after he replaced the glass and cleaned the shattered remains of the old one. Carlos cleaned himself up on his own that time. And the next time and times after. It wasn’t a frequent occurrence but... It hurt differently than when the boys at school would bully him, shoving him into lockers and kicking him around. Somehow she could make a simple backhand hurt way worse. Hurt deep in his chest.

Years later, sitting in his car, door open and leaning against the steering wheel as he smoked his last cigarette and touched the fresh cut on his cheek he wondered when it would stop hurting so bad.

-

When Carlos returned home it was dark. Evie met him at the door, looking up at him and touching his cheek where it was cut. He looked away, shaking his head. “I’m fine.”

“Carlos,” she said. And she pulled him in for a hug, and he just let his head rest on her shoulder. “What happened?”

“I don’t even know,” Carlos said with a laugh, shaking his head against her shoulder. “She just—I just got tired of her bullshit and then… I don’t know.”

Jay was standing just behind Evie, looking at Carlos with wide, concerned eyes. Carlos pulled away from Evie and offered him a weak smile.

Evie offered Carlos some tea “or something,” asking if he needed to talk. He shook his head, saying he was tired and his head hurt. He just wanted to sleep. Both she and Jay followed him to his room, and both piled onto his bed with him, their worry showing clearly on their faces. Carlos curled up against Evie, who sat against the headboard, his head in her lap. She reached out and ran a hand through his hair. Jay sat beside them, knees drawn up to his chest as he looked down at Carlos.

“I just don’t know why I keep letting her disappoint me,” Carlos said, looking up at the ceiling. “Why do I keep letting her hurt me?” His head really hurt. He thought he could use a cigarette or ten right then, he could probably burn through a whole pack. But he didn’t have any more, huh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> carlos comes out to his mother on a return trip for cigarettes. she berates him and he realizes he is miserable because she wants him to be miserable, and he wants to live up to her expectations of him even in this messed up way. he leaves without getting cigarettes.
> 
> there is a flashback of her taking care of him after he is bullied by some other kids as a child, which leads him to believe she loves him. she slaps him and he is hurt.
> 
> carlos returns to evie’s house, where evie and jay comfort him.


	9. nine

Carlos’s headache wore into the next day, but he didn’t tell anyone why, though. He’d already google what the symptoms of nicotine withdrawal were, and they would only let a couple weeks. He spent most of the day lying in his room, the world moving around him, as he tried to ignore the hollow feeling inside of him. He felt like maybe he should feel freed of his mother now that he had told her off and denied her the power of controlling him anymore. But he just felt sick and empty.

The next day he felt even worse, head throbbing and stomach turning, but it was somewhere around 60 hours since he’d smoked his last cigarette in his car when the withdrawal symptoms peaked. He woke up to such an intense feeling of nausea he couldn’t even make it out of his bed before he threw up right over the edge of it, gasping for breath.

“Carlos!” Jay said, sitting up in a panic, reaching out for him. Carlos groaned, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand.

“I think I’m dying,” he wheezed and Jay pulled his arm so he’d face him. He was panicked, clearly, eyes wide as he reached out to feel Carlos’s forehead for a fever. Carlos felt like he was going to throw up again so he wrenched his arm away from Jay and ran down the hall to the bathroom.

Jay was standing in the doorway when Carlos finished retching up bile. He hadn’t eaten much the day before, his headache making it hard to think about food. It had progressed from throbbing to splitting the evening before and it seemed that it didn’t want to take a break now with his sore throat and nausea to keep it company. Carlos put his face in his hands, all he could think about was smoking a cigarette right then.

“Carlos?” Jay said.

“I didn’t get cigarettes at my mom’s,” Carlos said, rubbing his eyes. “We just argued and then I left and smoked my last one and now-“ Carlos’s stomach churned and he turned back around to throw up but there was nothing left to come up and his throat burned as he dry heaved. Tears were running down his cheeks now and Jay had come to sit next to him on the floor of the bathroom. His hand rubbing circles in his back.

Evie found them like this, surprised. “Are you okay, Carlos?”

“Withdrawal,” Carlos said, hoarsely. Evie looked confused for a second before realization dawned on her.

“You haven’t been smoking?”

“Yeah,” he said. “I didn’t get any cigarettes at my moms…”

“You could’ve got them somewhere else,” Evie said, leaning on the door frame. Carlos shrugged. He always could’ve got them somewhere else, but he didn’t. It wasn’t the point. Right then he could barely remember the point through his splitting headache, though.

Jay got him water and helped him back to his room. Carlos felt antsy and irritated as he curled up in bed, attempting to just go back to sleep while he heard what he assumed was Jay cleaning up his mess from earlier. He left after, telling Carlos he was going to the hospital and to call him if he needed anything. His head hurt and his mind was spinning with a million thoughts. He could just go back to the isle and buy some cigarettes from somewhere like a normal person, but he didn’t feel well enough to go on his own and he wouldn’t ask someone else to do that for him.

Giving up on sleep, he sat up and pulled out his laptop, Dude curling up next to him, and looked at places for rent on Craigslist. He texted a few of the numbers, not feeling quite up to calling anyone right then.

Around noon Jay came into his room with some food. “I thought you left?” Carlos asked. Jay usually spent his whole day with his dad at the hospital.

“Yeah, I was at the hospital for a while but… My dad’s feeling a bit better and I was more worried about you,” Jay admitted, sitting down next to Carlos. He handed him a plate with a simple cheese sandwich on it and some celery sticks. Carlos picked at the food, feeling both ravenous and like he was going to be sick again.

“Thanks…” Carlos said. He and Jay sat in silence as Carlos slowly ate the sandwich. 

“Do you need anything else?” Jay asked and Carlos just shrugged. Jay reached out to put a hand on his shoulder and Carlos instinctively shrugged it off. His skin was uncomfortable, he felt like he was about to burst out of it. Jay looked hurt, so Carlos didn’t look at him.

“No- I’m fine. I just want-“ Carlos sighed, shaking his head. He just wanted a cigarette. When he’d started smoking he hadn’t really thought about quitting, Carlos realized with annoyance at himself that he didn’t really think about the consequences of his actions very much. He really hated that about himself.

Jay offered him a weak smile when Carlos glanced at him. “Just let me know, okay?”

“You should go back to the hospital, be with your dad,” Carlos said, rubbing a hand over his face. “I’m fine, the symptoms of nicotine withdrawal peak before three days so… This is probably the worst of it. I’ll make it through.”

“No, I want to stay with you,” Jay said. Carlos frowned at him, intending to say something when his phone pinged. He checked it, a response from one of the places he’d inquired about lit up his screen. They were asking if he wanted to come see the place that evening or the next day. Carlos still felt like crap but suddenly did want to leave the house. It was only a four hour drive away, he could be there by five.

He texted back, ‘I’d love to see the place tonight, 5PM sound ok?’

He got a confirmation and exact address in response.

When he got out of his bed Jay looked up from his phone. As he changed into fresh clothes, Jay narrowed his eyes at him. “Are you leaving?” he asked.

“Yeah, one of the places got back to me, gonna go check it out,” Carlos said.

“You’re driving to the Summerlands right now?” Jay said, skeptical.

“It’s only four hours,” Carlos said.

“You look awful, let me drive you,” Jay said, standing up.

“No, you should stay in Auradon City,” Carlos said. “Your-“

“I want to stay with you,” Jay said, just as he had earlier. Carlos’s head hurt and he felt irritated and uncomfortable. He was pulling a tee shirt over his head, considering.

“Fine,” he said, and Jay smiled, pleased with himself. Carlos texted Evie about their plan before going to brush his teeth. Walking around was making him feel nauseous again but he tried not to show it as Jay leaned against the doorframe of the bathroom watching him. Carlos was gripping onto the edge of the sink and felt a well of dejavu over the action and the roiling feeling in his stomach. The incomprehensible feelings of self doubt and anger and anxiety that battled it out in his gut. He spit and rinsed out his mouth. Last time he’d had a cigarette.

“Let’s go,” he said, brushing past Jay on his way out.

-

The car ride was… Awkward, Carlos decided. He just felt irritated and unreasonable and his stomach hurt and he didn’t know how to vocalize any of this in a way that might relieve the tension in the air between him and Jay. Jay kept shooting him nervous looks, which Carlos just pretended to not notice. His skin was crawling with anticipation for something awful.

Jay played some music and they didn’t talk. Carlos stared at his phone even though he wasn’t doing anything and the harsh light made his eyes water. He wondered if he and Jay were fighting right then, he didn’t know why they would be but it felt like they were.

The four hours dragged like days, Carlos scrolling through nothing on his phone.

They arrived at 5:15. It was a nice little cottage, pretty isolated. There was a car already parked out in front of it with the owner of the place leaning against it. 

“It looks nice,” Jay said, as they got out of the car. Carlos nodded, it looked fine. They introduced themselves to the owner and were shown around. The owner of the small cottage didn’t have a famous parent. Their name was just Jamie—no “child of” attached to it.

“You’re just looking for a month sublease, right?” they asked, and Carlos nodded.

“Yeah, I just have an internship here…”

“Great, I’m going on a trip, so I just need rent covered for the month,” Jamie said, looking pleased. They kept sneaking glances at Jay during the tour, though, like they knew him. Or they wanted to know him, Carlos didn’t really know. It made him want to stand closer to Jay, though, wrap his arm around him. Carlos didn’t.

The place was good enough, and Carlos just really needed somewhere to stay starting the next week, so even though the place was kind of pricey it wasn’t too far out of his budget. Even with it mostly just being a living room with a small kitchen and a tiny bedroom it was good enough. “I’ll sign right now, honestly,” he said when Jamie asked if he was interested. “The place looks great.”

Jamie beamed and said they just needed to print out an agreement. They agreed Carlos could pay upon move in, after a $50 security deposit to confirm the place was his for the month. They left Jay and Carlos in the living room as they went to get the paperwork set.

“It’s really rustic in here,” Jay said, looking around, stepping into the tiny kitchen area. Carlos sat on the couch. “Looks more outdated than the stuff on the island.” He laughed.

Carlos shrugged. “It’ll do the job.”

Jamie returned and Carlos read over the papers. The tenant stared at Jay for a while before something seemed to click in their mind. “Oh! I’ve seen you on TV,” they said.

Jay frowned over his shoulder at them. “Yeah?”

“Yeah-you’re that villain kid! Jafar’s kid,” they seemed excited to have figured it out. “Sorry about your dad, I hope he’s feeling better.”

“He is,” Jay said, slowly.

“I heard you signed to play with Summerlands, too! That’s awesome, we could use a good player, not even the people who live here tend to support the team,” they laughed. “Don’t think we ever expected to get a MVP from Sherwood Forest U down here!”

Carlos sat up. “You signed to a team?”

“Yeah…” Jay said, looking embarrassed. “I was going to tell you…”

Carlos frowned at him, feeling warmer now. And tense. He signed the papers without reading the rest of them, despite knowing better than that. He handed them back to the current tenant. “Here, are we all set?”

“Yeah—move in will be on the 30th.?I actually leave on the 28th, though, if you want to come up and give me the check then?” Carlos handed them the $50 for the deposit and they counted it quickly. They looked between Jay and Carlos with a bit of curiosity and Carlos just wanted to leave.

“Can I bank transfer it to you?” Carlos asked.

“Sure, that’s fine, I’ll send you the info,” they looked at the papers. “Could you just write your email?”

Carlos did, quickly scribbling it down before leaving the cottage in a rush. He felt like a tide was rising around him, and he needed to get back to shore before he drowned. He got into the car on the driver’s side. He didn’t know which way was the shore. Jay hurried after him, looking confused. He got into the car, opened his mouth to talk but Carlos pulled the car out sharply, jolting him in his seat and stealing his breath.

“Carlos—“ he said, as he hadn’t even managed to put on his seatbelt before Carlos slammed on the gas, steeling himself on the glove compartment. He buckled up quickly as Carlos pulled onto the road. “What’s wrong?”

Carlos gripped the steering wheel, head still pounding, water rising quickly. He felt his nausea returning, but he wasn’t sure if it was because of the withdrawal. He couldn’t talk, he felt warm and uncomfortable all over. He continued driving down the road, jaw clenched, chest tight. Tense/

“Carlos, you’re speeding!” Jay said, reaching over and putting a hand on Carlos’s arm. Carlos slammed on the breaks, breathing heavy and bracing himself on the wheel. He felt like there were waves crashing over them as he did so, Jay swore as he was jolted forward. “What the fuck?”

Carlos was shaking, his ears were ringing with the sound of an ocean that wasn’t there. He was going to drown. Jay was saying something to him, he’d gotten out of the car, leaning down into it. Carlos risked a glance over at him, he looked worried. That made Carlos feel irritated.

“When did you sign to Summerlands?” he asked.

“The deadline was the other day… so the other day.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Carlos said.

“Come on, Carlos,” Jay said. “Their training camp starts the second week of July… I just. I thought—“ Jay looked embarrassed, shaking his head.

Carlos took a shaky breath. “Did you choose them because of me?”

“I mean, I didn’t have very many options in the first place, but,” he shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. They lodge the team around here, we’d be close. I wanted that.”

Why did Carlos feel like he was going to be sick right then, he asked himself. Why was the water rising above his head now, flooding into his lungs as he looked at Jay and his earnest expression and his eyes filled with stupid fucking concern. Carlos looked away.

“Were they the best team?” He didn’t know how he managed the words.

“No, but that doesn’t—“

“It _does_ matter, Jay!” Carlos snapped, looking Jay directly in the eyes even though it hurt. “You can’t go around making stupid life decisions because of me.”

“I’m not,” Jay said, holding eye contact.

“Yes you are, even just being here right now! You should be at the hospital with your dad,” Carlos bit out, choking. Drowning. Suffocating.

“My dad is doing fine,” Jay said. “I already told you this.”

“I don’t know what that means, Jay! What does ‘fine’ mean?” Carlos said. “You never tell me what’s up with you or your dad, just vague half answers every time I ask.”

“What are you talking about?” Carlos looked away.

“You don’t talk to me.” He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, hands still gripping onto the steering wheel. He’d put the car in park at some point, he realized. “Not anymore, you don’t. We don't talk like we used to, not since you went off on your gap year with Gil. It’s all so fucking superficial now, you and me. It’s different, it’s _been_ different.”

“You think that’s my fault?” Jay said, his voice tense now. Carlos opened his eyes and looked at him. He was leaning against the car, brow furrowed, jaw set. “You think it’s because I went on a gap year, that that’s why we stopped talking like we used to?”

“Yeah,” Carlos said. Jay let out a bitter laugh and shook his head, but he didn’t say anything, Carlos felt like he was boiling alive. “This is what I’m saying, you wont talk to me!”

“I left because of you,” Jay said, a lot impulsive and with an expression like he might want to take the words back.

“I know,” Carlos shot back. “Mal told me, she told me that I ran you away. I didn’t—I didn’t do anything, though.”

“Yeah, you didn’t,” Jay kicked at the ground. He was standing now, arms crossed, looking away from Carlos. “I—“ Jay shook his head. “You know why we stopped talking, Carlos. And you know it’s not just because I left.” He took a deep breath.

“Jay,” Carlos said, realizing what he was alluding to. “That—“

“I told you how I felt, Carlos, and you didn’t do anything,” Jay cut him off, gaze returning to Carlos.

“What was I supposed to do, Jay?” Carlos said, struck. They had never talked about that. The last time they’d been alone together before Jay had left for his gap year. Carlos had filed it away in an off-limits part of his brain like he did with so many Jay related thoughts and memories. “I was with Jane, you were about to leave with Gil.”

“I would’ve stayed,” Jay said, even though that was the wrong answer, the one that made him a bad person. “It would’ve been selfish but I would have done it. To have you, I think I would’ve done anything.”

Carlos felt the weight of Jay’s words deep in his burning lungs, and he felt sick. “Don’t tell me you broke up with him because of me.”

Jay laughed again. “Carlos, everything I do is because of you. Every single choice I’ve made in my whole life comes back to you, I think.”

Jay was full of wrong answers.

“It’s fucked,” Jay said, shaking his head. “I don’t know what to do about it.”

-

Two days before Jay left for his gap year with Gil the two of them were up late at Evie’s castle, lying on the lawn side by side, stargazing.

“I can’t believe you’re gonna be gone for a whole year, this is worse than just going to Sherwood,” Carlos had sighed. “At least then I’d know where you were.”

Jay laughed. “I think you’ll manage,” he said. “You’re gonna have your hands full enough with your own studies in your genius biology program, you won’t even think about me til it’s summer again.”

“Shut up, you know I’m gonna miss you,” Carlos said, hitting Jay on the arm. Jay rolled onto his side to grin down at Carlos.

“Yeah,” he said. “You will.” Carlos grinned up at him, ignoring the ache in his chest. Ignoring how he longed to reach out and pull Jay closer. Ignoring, ignoring.

“It’s hard to remember a time before we were all friends,” Carlos said. “I can barely imagine spending more than a few days away from you guys.”

Jay nodded. “Dragon Hall really feels like it was lifetimes in the past…” He paused. “But sometimes it also feels like yesterday, you know? Or like… Tomorrow. Like we didn’t really leave.”

“In my night terrors, maybe,” Carlos said, frowning. Jay shrugged his shoulders.

“I think I’m just paranoid,” he said, and Carlos offered him a supportive smile. They then laid in silence, Jay turning his gaze towards the sky. Carlos watched Jay, taking in his profile, trying to memorize all of his lines, contours. He really didn’t know how he was supposed to go a full year without having him in easy access.

They were silent for a long time, Carlos wondered what Jay was thinking about. He had never been very good at reading him. 

Carlos was considering heading to bed when Jay spoke next, “I’m in love with you, Carlos.”

Carlos stared at him, feeling like he must have misheard him. He was picking at the grass now, avoiding Carlos’s eyes.

“What?” Carlos asked, heart pounding.

“I’m in love with you.” And when Jay looked at Carlos he looked hopeful and scared and sad and… Carlos didn’t know.

“Oh,” Carlos said, face heating up. Why was Jay telling him this?

“I just… Thought you should know,” Jay said. “Before I leave.”

“Why?” Carlos asked. Jay’s expression was still so multi-layered yet so pleading. Like he wanted something from Carlos, needed it. Carlos thought of Jane, and the way she gave him that look and he could never seem to give her enough to satiate her desires, try as he might. Carlos yearned to give Jay everything he asked for in that moment. God, it was probably written all over his face, that desire of his own.

But while the isle had raised him to be selfish it also raised him strong, so he didn’t act on the impulse.

“I don’t know,” Jay finally said, looking away, lying on his back to stare at the stars. Jay was selfish a bit, too, he noted to himself. His cheeks were pink, brow furrowed and jaw set.

Are you mad at me? Carlos wanted to ask. He wanted to pull Jay close to him until he wasn’t anymore. He wanted to kiss away the wrinkle between his brows, he wanted to kiss his lips. Carlos sat up, face hot. He couldn’t want those things, so he pushed them away, out of his mind. “I’m going inside,” Carlos said, pushing himself off the ground.

“Okay,” Jay said, making no move to follow. Carlos left him outside, going back to his room.

-

Jay asked to be taken to the hospital, so Carlos did that. The sun was going down and Jay hesitated before getting out of the car.

“I’ll, uh, see you tomorrow?” He asked. Carlos nodded. “I’m gonna call Mal and ask for a ride later.”

“Yeah, tomorrow,” Carlos said. Jay got out of the car and left. Carlos watched him go.

Evie was sitting in the kitchen using her laptop when he got home. She looked up when he entered, looking both concerned and happy to see him. “Hey! Carlos! How are you feeling?”

“Miserable,” Carlos bit out, he grabbed a loaf of bread from the counter before sitting beside Evie at the table and ripping off pieces of it to eat plain. Evie touched his arm, sympathetically.

“How was the place?” she asked.

“Fine, I signed for it,” Carlos said, mouth full.

“Exciting!” Evie said, and Carlos just shrugged. Evie frowned.

“Is the ‘miserable’ because of the withdrawal or did something happen?” she asked.

“Jay and I argued and now I don’t know what’s up with us,” Carlos said, burying his face in his hands. “I think I’m mad at him but my head just hurts so much and I just want to scream.”

Evie scooted closer to him, putting an arm around him. “Relationships are hard, you guys will work it out,” she said.

“I don’t think we have a relationship,” Carlos said, feeling his eyes beginning to sting. “It’s just like… A dream we had when we were kids we’re trying to recreate now.”

“Oh, Carlos,” Evie said, squeezing him. She looked a bit at a loss.

“I’m gonna go sleep,” Carlos said, even though his whole body was just full of restless energy and his fingers itched to hold a cigarette. Evie let him go, though. He lied in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. Jay never came to his room, and Carlos didn’t hear him come back at all. At 3AM he stared at his phone, at their text conversation.

_hey are u coming home?_

He didn’t send that.

_i’m sorry i’m just irritated bc withdrawals i didn’t mean what i said earlier_

He didn’t send that either, unsure of what he was even apologizing for. Unsure of what he had said earlier.

_i think my life revolves around you too. ur right it’s fucked. we’re both too close to the situation, too invested in this relationship. i’m scared of fucking it up and that’s fucking it up fuck fuck fuck_

Carlos stared at that one for a long time before erasing it.

_i wanted to kiss you that night before you left. i didn’t know i loved you yet but i knew i wanted to kiss you. did you really love me for that long? i’m sorry i didn’t do anything i’m sorry i didn’t ask you to cotillion is it stupid that i had thought of doing that??? i think about that moment, and i think about your hand on my shoulder and i thought you were gonna ask me which is so stupid. i wanted to go with you. it was so stupid we were so young it was so long ago. but i still think about it._

Carlos erased that one quickly, cheeks warm.

_you haven’t come back. just let me know you’re safe. don’t do anything stupid._

He pressed send on that one before turning off his phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and thus concludes part 1 :)  
> i hope to start posting part 2 today. i hope this is an enjoyable read, i’m really excited to be sharing it, honestly. i’ve put a lot of work and thought into it, even if it’s mostly just. a vehicle for my descendants headcanons.
> 
> tumblr: vndooms
> 
> thank you for reading ! 😇🥺❤️


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